Some Incentives

Today I found a document from a few years ago.  It outlined incentives I wanted for losing weight in 10 pound increments.  There's some really good ones here!

A romantic night out with Dan

Get a massage

Take a creative writing class

Go back to Savannah

Wear the jeans I've been saving

Run a mile

Go to NYC with Dan to see a show

Have another baby*

Visit New England

Take a dance class

Audition for a show

Hike in the Rocky Mountains with the kids

Plan a trip to Hawaii

Go to Hawaii (This was for when I reached my goal.  Maybe we could change this to the Bahamas, since our best friends are moving there this summer!)

*Hmm...not sure about having another baby right now, but all the rest of these are GREAT ideas!

*Photo of Carl & Ellie dreaming together in Disney/Pixar's movie "Up"

Some of them seem a bit impractical, since they are very costly and we intend to send our children back to private school next year.  BUT...we can still add them to our bucket list and maybe start a jar of coins like Carl & Ellie did in the movie "Up."  Our own little savings toward Paradise Falls!  Wouldn't it be cool if we could just go to some of these places via our own house and a whole lot of helium balloons?

Other things on this list are completely do-able.  I should keep adding to this list.  I think I will.

What do you think I should add?

Who Stole My Fun?

My nephews.  Now they are 18, 19, 21 and 22 years old.

I babysat my four nephews for two summers in a row.  They were just little guys back then.  Maybe ages 6, 7, 9 and 10 years old?  Now one of them is too tall to stand in our basement!

There were two things Aunt Julie wouldn't let them say when we were together.

"That's so gay!" (For obvious reasons!  Who ever thought that was a good expression?!)

And...

"I'm bored." (You have got to be kidding me!)

You're bored? I would think to myself.  You are here with your aunt and your cousins and you have a million toys and a great backyard and...I already took you on numerous fun outings this week.  Do not even say you are bored!!!!

But, here I am...and I'm going to say it.


I'M BORED.

That's right.  I said it.

I couldn't count the number of times I sighed yesterday.

I woke up at around 7am and couldn't get back to sleep.  I came downstairs, made some Peach Oatmeal and a cup of coffee, grabbed my book and spent some time with God.  'sigh'  Turned on the Today Show at around 8am--flipped through channels numerous time.  'sigh'  Picked up my book again.  Couldn't focus.  Watched more TV.  Couldn't focus.

Tick, tick, tick...the clock was moving slowly and my family wasn't in a hurry to get up and get the day started.  Normally, I would have been thankful for that.  Quietness.  Alone time.  Things a mother relishes.

Then, once everyone was awake, I was immediately biting off their heads.  I definitely put on my grumpy pants. (Which, might I add, were much looser than a week ago!  Ha ha!)

Last night, once the kids were in bed, I finally said the words out loud.

"I'm bored."

There was no response.

This morning, I woke up and found myself immediately sighing again.  I was putting on my make-up and getting ready for the day when I said the words out loud again.

"I'm bored."

This time Dan responded.  "It's tough to realize how much of our entertainment has been derived from food, huh?"

At Max Brenner's Chocolate Factory in New York City while on our Foods of New York Tour that we hosted in July 2010.
 

I hadn't thought about that.  He was right.  I didn't realize that I was grouchy because I wanted to eat.  I didn't realize that I was hungry because I was bored and wanted something to do.  No, not just SOMETHING to do--I wanted to eat.  I wanted to go to a restaurant and order a five course meal and sit and linger over it with a glass of wine.  I wanted to come home and sit up for another five hours exploring the kitchen cupboards.  Wait...NO.  I didn't really WANT that.  I didn't even realize that was why I was upset.  I just realized there was a void.  And the void was food.  And...I was bored.

But you have to be kidding!  I am here with my husband and my children.  We are surrounded by toys and places to go and things to see and kittens to love and friends and family and a church and...

It's not so much boredom as it is discontentment.  I don't want those things.  I want something to entertain me and be easy and be mindless and be pleasurable.

 Just a few gals who know something about fun!  My 39th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.

 It's time to redefine all of those things.  Food is not entertainment.  Food is not ease.  Food is fuel.  And it can be pleasurable.  But it is not my satisfaction and it does not bring comfort.  I have been deceived by my Food Idolatry for a long time.  I have to find a new way to live.

FOOD has stole my fun for a very long time.  Now, I need to rediscover what fun really is.  And be content along the way.


 Let the challenge begin!

Grouchy & Hungry=Blech!

I woke up in a lousy mood today?  Why do we sometimes just wake up grouchy?  I haven't been able to swing it all day.

And...I'm hungry today.  How can you basically eat the same thing every day and be fine, and then all of a sudden--hungry day! 

I don't like hungry day.  Or grouchy day.

I want a do-over.

Style Doesn't Have A Size

You know what I love about hats?  Besides the fact that I think they are just adorable, I love that it doesn't matter how big or how small your body is.  You can wear a hat!  Same with scarves.  One size kind-of fits all.

I had an amazing day today with my hubby, my nieces, my sister and my mom at an adorable boutique near Philly.  I got that brown, cute little hat I'm wearing in the above picture, along with a super-stylish scarf-like-accessory. 

I think we tried on every possible thing in the store.  No hat was off limits.  We laughed and made memories...went to lunch together and I had the BEST spinach salad with roasted red peppers, mushrooms and grilled chicken!  There wasn't anything I didn't enjoy about this day.

You know...style doesn't have to be limited to size.  Though I have continually packed on the pounds over the years, I have tried to remain stylish.  Sometimes that wasn't easy.  Like the time I went shopping for my wedding dress.  This is a somewhat sad, but somewhat amazing story that I will always remember.

We didn't have a traditional wedding.  Neither of us wanted that.  We got married at a beautiful bed and breakfast on January 7, 2005.  I wanted it to be magical, but not traditional.  I didn't want the big white poofy dress and long, dragging train and veil.  I wanted to be stylish and look like ME.  But, just to confirm, I visited a bridal shop with my girlfriend Katy.

It was an obvious disappointed, as none of the pretty dresses were available for my plus sized body.  I tried on what they had.  And...I looked like a jumbo marshmallow.  No thank you.

So, my soon-to-be husband took me shopping at King of Prussia.  Since it was right around the holidays, there were gorgeous dresses aplenty!  But not for me.  Sorting through the plus-sized racks would have been more successful had I been the mother of the bride instead of the bride.  I didn't want sequined jackets or lacy butterflies.  I wanted something elegant and sassy.  And I really wanted pants.  (Because, if you've read "My Story" you will know that I haven't worn a dress since...high school?!)  Anyway, I digress...

Discouraged, we made a final stop at Strawbridge.  While Dan hit the little boys room, I looked over racks of beautiful clothing.  Small.  Medium.  Extra small.  'sigh'  I saw a sales associate.  Being tired and already worn out, I simply asked, "Do you have any plus size party dresses?"  (Prepare for a scene right out of the movie Pretty Woman)  She literally looked me over and, in her snarkiest voice, said, "We don't carry anything in YOUR size."

Humiliated and so very sad, I waited for Dan and then burst into tears.

Now for the happy part of the story.  Through a crazy and unusual situation, friends of mine called a few days later and had heard about my wedding dress woes.  They offered to make me my wedding attire.  These friends are amazing!  And I got exactly what I wanted.  Exactly.  (Pants and all!)  And I felt amazing that day.  Everything fit me perfectly and there is not a single thing I would change about our wedding.

It would be easy for me to wish that I had been thin at my wedding.  But, you know, my struggle with my weight has only drawn Dan and I closer in our marriage.  He has always been my biggest supporter and encourager.  He has never given up on me.  Ever.  Even when I had given up on myself.  Sometimes God has bigger plans for us than we can see, and our weaknesses and suffering is part of that picture.  

Of course, I will feel so proud the day I stand before my best friend (I'm married to him!) with a smokin' body!  And it will be nice to go into a store and buy anything I want off the rack.  And it will be fun to see how my style changes as my body changes.  But listen...if I start wearing nail polish to match my lean and green meals--well, maybe I've taken my style just a little too far! 

 Umm...that's my niece with her Ice Burg Lettuce colored nail polish, I swear!!!  

I don't eat carrots in my salad!!!

Reflections on Week #3: Be Honest EVERY Day

My son and me--last Christmas.  Stuffing our donut holes!

As of this morning, I am down 18 pounds.  What is so significant about 18 pounds? (Other than it is incredible weight loss in three weeks time?!)

When I joined Project Pounds Away at my local YMCA last September I worked out like a crazy person.  When I had hardly seen results after the first 10 weeks, I joined it a second time.  I was LIVING at the gym.  My life was out of balance.  My family was suffering.  My housework was suffering.  I was exhausted.  Instead of believing in what God could do in me and through me, my faith started to pale.  I finished the second season in April--having lost 18 pounds over eight months.

I'm not saying PPA wasn't a great thing or that my trainers didn't do their job.  Those experiences were part of a greater plan for me and my two trainers were amazing people who really believed in me and pushed me to be the best I could be.  But I left them broken.  Which is good, in a way, as I needed to be confronted with my brokenness. 

I was beaten down.  I didn't know if I could get up again. 

Or if I even wanted to try.

Why couldn't I lose weight?  Other people were losing.  What was wrong with me?  Why wasn't God helping ME?  Didn't He know how hard I was working?  Didn't He love me anymore?  Where was He?  Was I just destined to live my life overweight and unhappy?

Have you ever felt any of these things?

It took faith for me to start Take Shape for Life.  I just couldn't start another attempt that ended in failure or discouragement.  In tears, I asked God to pick me up from my desperate place and carry me wherever he wanted me to go next.  And that's exactly when I was introduced to my health coach Shirley--thanks to my pals Matt & Audrey who had enormous success with TSFL.

Today--only three weeks into the program, I have lost what it took me MONTHS to lose in the past.  Was it worth it to pass the food on Christmas without dipping into the carbs and sugars and processed foods?  You bet!  Does each day make me feel stronger and more encouraged?  Absolutely.

Does that mean every day is easy?  No way!

There are days that are hard.  Just because I baked cookies and didn't even feel tempted to lick my fingers doesn't mean that I can do that everyday.  Each day I need to be willing to ask myself, "Can I handle going to this party today?"  "Can I really be around all that temptation right now?"  "Is this the best thing for me to do/place for me to be...RIGHT NOW?"  And then, I need to be honest.

If the answer is "NO" then I need to make a phone call and say, "I'm sorry we can't come to the party tonight." OR  "I was planning on baking, but I just can't right now."  OR  "I need to go/stop what I'm doing...right now."  Maybe people will be hurt or offended that I can't do what they would like me to do.  But, again, just like the recovering alcoholic must be keenly aware of his/her weaknesses, so must I--and any recovering food addict.

What I am able to do and handle changes on a daily basis.  I cannot let down my guard.

I read something today that goes along with my post Think on What is True.


So...whenever you slip into thinking of yourself as useless, as worthless, as a failure, a hopeless case, or a loser, remember what is true:
* You are a child of God (John 1:12)
* You are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
* You have been bought by the precious blood of Christ (1 Cor. 6:20)


Oh how I want you to understand the importance of training your mind to think on what is true and real!  To love God with all your mind!  When you do, what happens?  You experience the joy and hope of being God's child.  And blessings upon blessings, you experience spiritual encouragement, powerful enablement, and fresh energy for handling life as the Holy Spirit uses God's Word in your heart and mind!

Elizabeth George, Loving God with All Your Mind

I need to keep being honest with myself--EVERY DAY!

Some Like It HOT!

I am really enjoying the Medifast Chili.  It definitely needs to soak so that you don't chip a tooth on the beans, but so far it is the best soup.  Especially when some hot chili pepper seasoning is added to it.  I don't know about you, but I think hot, spicy foods are more satisfying.  I know I tend to eat less when a food is spicy, because I can only take so much heat.  And I love the lingering way my lips and my tongue tingle.  Mmmm...

We're headed off to the movies.  I'll be packing some Medifast honey mustard pretzel sticks and my trusty water bottle.  I'm also smuggling in a snack for the kids.  No popcorn for us today. 

I love Christmas break!

Too Busy!

When life gets too busy, it's hard to look out for yourself.  Today was a flurry of Christmas activity and I'm all out of whack on my meal schedule.  I was forgetting to eat every 2-3 hours and now it's almost 11:00 and I still need to eat two meals!?!  YIKES!

But I survived another family Christmas party.  Tonight's menu was harder to resist because it was my family and all the foods I grew up eating and that I LOVE.  But, I stuck to the plan and ate my shrimp and salad.  It was delicious, I was full--and mostly I was full of love.

It was a pleasure to sit around talking to my now-adult nieces and nephews.  A lovely evening, indeed!

But how to take better care of ME in the midst of craziness....well, that's an area where I will need to grow.

Merry Christmas!

No lying.  Today has been one HUGE temptation.  But, with God's help, I have kept my primary choice in focus.  Today I passed the rest of the food and stuck with my nice, fresh, crisp vegetable salad topped with turkey. 

I started the day by making biscuits and a quiche for my family and eggs for my mama.  I had my Cinnamon Apple Oatmeal and a cup of coffee.  Couldn't even finish the coffee, I was so full.  But then we headed to our family gathering.

With gladness I contributed to the family meal: a huge bowl of stuffing (my favorite!) along with bread, honey cinnamon butter, a salad and a killer plate of cookies and chocolates.  The biggest temptation for me was the stuffing.  From the time I was a little girl I can remember picking at the stuffing as it was being made and before we sat down for the meal.  My Nanny Herr made the BEST stuffing and my sister learned from her.  I spent much time watching my sister and think I may have mastered the family tradition.  But today, there was no picking.  Just passing.

While others had their dessert, I was able to have mine.  Thanks to Shirley for the tip on warming the Mint Chocolate Crunch Bar and having it with a cup of java.  Mmmm...I didn't feel like I missed out on a thing.

All day I've felt hungry.  But it's not real hunger.  It's all the food around me--the wanting, but not wanting at the same time.  The "could have" colliding with the "will have."

I was thinking this morning, "Did I really mean it's not about a number?  What if I don't lose any weight this week?  Will I still feel that way?  Will I feel like I missed out on Christmas for nothing?"

That's how I would have felt in the past.  That's how I HAVE felt.  Like I've worked really hard to be disciplined over special events and then see no results.  And I sulk.  And then I tell myself that this just isn't worth it!

But thinking through that process I had to disagree with my old self.  Christmas isn't about food.  Besides the obvious enormous blessing of the Word made Flesh, Christmas is about family and laughter and sharing in moments that will never be recreated again.  I didn't miss out on Christmas because I ate a salad.  I think I enjoyed it more, in some weird way.

Tomorrow night is the last Christmas family party.  I am prepared and trusting God to help me continue aligning my heart, mind, beliefs and actions.

Merry Christmas!

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

My Life's Got Style

A good friend and I were talking last night about my journey thus far on Take Shape for Life.  We've been down the road of weight loss attempts together for a very long time.  She wondered how this program fits into my lifestyle.  Hmmm...it caused me to think about that.

What is my lifestyle?

Well, it seems my lifestyle actually has been about overeating and making food a priority at social gatherings and events.  My lifestyle has been about things like, "Let's meet for (and overeat at) lunch!" or "C'mon over for a decadent dessert and some coffee."  My lifestyle has been about sitting on the couch and talking for hours or watching a movie or some "quality" TV.  My lifestyle has been about being so busy that I don't have time to plan or take care of myself.  Lazy.  Busy.  Full.  Tiring.  Mindless.

And mindlessness is the enemy!

I don't need an eating plan that fits my lifestyle.  I need a lifestyle that fits my eating plan.

One of the reasons I've enjoyed starting Take Shape for Life over the holidays is that people aren't offended when you say, "Can we wait until after the holidays to get together?"  That seems legit.  Many people's schedules are just super busy this time of year.  But not ours really. (Sorry, if we've postpones plans with you!)  Yet, this has been a time of having to say "NO" and of being purposeful about changing our lifestyle.

One way we are already changing our lifestyle...

We used to eat out several times a week.  Our dining budget usually exceeded our grocery budget.  Our overall food expenses often surpassed our monthly mortgage payment.  GULP. Hmmm...something about where your treasure lies, there your heart lies also?  So far this month we've only eaten out twice.  I've been enjoying the leisure of eating slowly around the table with my family.  It's been nice to slow down.  To consider how we're spending our time, our energy, our money, and our calories.

As I continue on this journey, I know I will continue to learn how to re-prioritize my life and change my lifestyle.  And I will find unsurpassed joy as I discover the true way life was meant to be lived.  I anticipate growing in humility and in grace.

I'm also learning to change how I speak.  Instead of talking about what I "can't" eat, I am talking about what I "choose" to eat.  The fact is, no one is forcing me to stick to the 5 & 1 eating plan.  At any time I can eat whatever I want to eat.  But I am choosing to make decisions based on my primary choice--to reach optimal health and glorify God with my body.

Tomorrow, as I gather around the Christmas table...I can eat stuffing and mashed potatoes and pie (two servings, even!).  But I am choosing to eat turkey and an amazing garden salad.  I'll follow up later with a Medifast Brownie.  That is a great choice!  And it works for my new lifestyle.  Which, might I add, is pretty darn stylish!

It's Not About A Number

Ummm...I don't I intend to see that little number on my scale.

So, I am realizing that this can't really be about the numbers. It's tempting. But, that can't be the final ending.

Some people who know what I'm doing have asked me, "Well, once you get to goal, how do you intend to keep the weight off?"

First, I'm not at "goal" yet, so I don't really have the answer to that question.

Second, isn't that a question with ANY weight loss? Whatever the plan?

This post sort of goes back to my post about what motivates us. This morning I've been thinking, "Well, the end goal can't just be about a number." The day to day goal can't even be about a number. Sure, the scale can be a helpful tool for us, but at the end of the day I need to ask myself:

Have I made all the right choices today to move toward optimal health and glorifying God with my body?


Have I done the best I could do and what God has required of me?

If so, then the number on the scale is not the greatest measure of satisfaction. Moving toward my REAL goal is what will be satisfying. And, when that is in proper focus, then I think the weight WILL come off and will stay off. Because when you're doing Take Shape For Life and you're "playing by the rules" you don't have to worry about IF the weight will drop. It will. You simply have to think about "Am I acting in a way that supports my goals?"

I'm sure there will be some stumbling along the way. Christ was the only man whose mind, heart, beliefs and actions were always unified. But when it becomes about the number, I know I get discouraged over a little stumble, and then that little stumble becomes a downward spiral to lots of weight gain.

BUT, if it becomes about walking the right path--moment by moment, day by day, month by month--then, and only then, will a little stumble just briefly trip me up. I'll just get back up and keep on walking.

The steps of the righteous man are ordered by the Lord. Psalms 37:23

Think On What Is True

I am reading the book "Loving God with All Your Mind" by Elizabeth George. (Thank you to my friend Sara for giving me this book for Christmas!) I'm only in the first chapter, but I can already tell that this is a nice complement to Take Shape for Life.

Excerpt from Chapter 1:
"'Whatsoever things are true...think on these things.' In just eight words--eight words!--out of the fathomless treasure of God's Word, I had my breakthrough. It came when I realized that God did not want me to spend my precious time and equally precious mental energy thinking on things that are not true or real. As I sought to apply this instruction and obey the command of Philippians 4:8, the darkness over my life began to lift and the light of God's Word flooded into my heart, soul...and mind!'

'Take it from me, blessing abound when you and I think on what is true and real. And one of those blessings is strength for daily life. Strength that includes energy, health and vitality!"

From User to Dealer?

I've been cooking up a storm! I bet my husband's co-workers are drooling over the lunches he takes with him to work. (Well, a girl can dream!) I've made so much food, I need to start freezing things. I've always loved to cook. Not so much bake--but cook. I've really enjoyed my lean & green meals and coming up with recipes that are delicious and also fit into the program.

But I've realized, too, that I could be going from a "food user" to a "food dealer." And that's also not good. I want to have a healthy family and kids who don't use food as a means of escaping from the life God has given them and the blessings that are in the NOW of their lives. I can't replace eating with cooking, or I still have a food obsession, I think. I need to make good food, but not fill my life with it. Does that make sense?

Last night I made something AMAZING! I'm thankful for Spaghetti Squash. It was kind of God to make a vegetable that resembles a man-made carb. I'll share how I prepared it, but don't ask me for measurements. I don't measure. Until it's time to plate. And, yes, you could substitute with chicken and yes, you could substitute or add any other vegetable.

Not the actual meal, but the inspiration!

I Can't Believe It's Not Spaghetti
Here's what to do:
Cut a spaghetti squash in half, remove seeds and bake at 350 degrees, cut-side down in a cake pan. Takes about 30 minutes.

While the squash is cooking...
In a skillet:
Brown LEAN ground beef or turkey (add water to get a little "juice")
Add fresh crushed garlic

In a separate pan (so you can control your meat/veggie portions better)
Dice fresh tomatoes
A zucchini that is quartered and sliced in cubes
Fresh sliced mushrooms
Let that all simmer and steam
*You can also add other spices like Oregano, Rosemary, Thyme
**You can avoid using oil by using a non-stick pan with some water in it, or if you have your fat servings still available, feel free to add the oil.

Cut some fresh basil.

When the squash is done, scrape out the insides
Then plate a portion of that. Top with veggies and meat. Put the fresh cut basil on top... And MMMMmmmm....

Again, if you have the condiment servings available, you can top with some Parmesan cheese.

Week #2 Results

Picture from our annual "Chicken Corn Soup" family reunion, where...yes...we all want to eat the soup by the ladle-full. No more.

So you want to know the week 2 results, right?

Down 2 pounds in Week #2.

I know. I hear you. "WHAT? Only two this week?"

Yep. A very solid, happy two. I do think some of it is water retention. I used a seasoning packet on our stir fry last night that was within the legal limits, but that contained WAY more sodium that I would normally eat at a meal. No worries. As Shirley said, "That's not fat. That will come off easily!" True dat!

Dr. A says if you win the lottery and you're given the option to take the full million dollars right away or to start with a penny on day one and double it every day for the rest of your life--take the penny! It will take longer to see the fullness of your wealth, but in the end you'll get FAR more payoff than the person who took the quick return. I don't know about you, but I'll take more than a million...if someone's offering.

So...yeah...the same is true with our weight loss. It starts with a pound that keeps doubling, until you can't possibly believe how much you've lost.

Here's my thoughts for the morning. Last year I read the book "Women, Food & god" (lower case 'g' intended, because Geneen Roth sadly doesn't know my God.) But, the book is excellent if you are able to sift through the existential beliefs and see the One True God. Then, the book holds a TON of valuable truths. I am lending mine to a friend this morning, so I paged through it to see what I had underlined. I thought I'd share this.

"Woman [or men] turn to food when they are not hungry because they are hungry for something they can't name; a connection to what is beyond the concerns of daily life. Something deathless, something sacred. But replacing the hunger for a divine connection with Double Stuffed Oreos is like giving a glass of sand to a person dying of thirst. It creates more thirst, more panic. Combine the utter inefficacy of dieting with the lack of spiritual awareness and we have generations of mad, ravenous, self-loathing women. We have become so obsessed with getting rid of our obsession, with riding on top of our suffering and ignoring its inherent message, that we lose the pieces of ourselves waiting to be found beneath it. But fixing ourselves is not the same as being ourselves."

It's interesting. Removing the proverbial Double Stuffed Oreos has left me FAR more emotional. I've been crying easily this past week--often over happy things, but also over sad things or maddening things. I'm not riding on top of my suffering--I'm in it. And I'm not longer interested in simply fixing myself, I'm interested in BEING myself. And...surprise...I'm satisfied by what the hunger was all about in the first place. A connection. Namely a connection to Christ.

Anything is Possible

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Tonight my li'l sister, Jeni, and I made:
Peppermint Bark Rice Krispie Treats
Jumbo Chocolate Covered Marshmallows with Peppermint Snow
Chocolate Covered Christmas Pretzels
Peanut Butter Cookies
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Mini Kisses Cookies

My hands were covered in sweets.

BUT--Hallelujah...can I get a drumroll, please?!--I didn't even so much as lick my fingers. Not even by mistake.

Does anyone out there know how amazing this is?! And when I put everything away, here's what I did...

I made a plate of treats for Dan to take to the office. I made a plate to take to the Garners on Sunday. I made a plate to take to the Gregg's on Monday. I put the rest in the container and told Dan that Santa better choose what he wants because my kids are going to go wild in the morning. It's all put away. And I am going to bed. A free woman.

My Hair Will Be Even Prettier

Jude: "Well, you can have one day where you can eat something different, right?"

Me: "No, not for a very long time. No Christmas cookies for me this year."

Kate (in utter surprise): "NO CHRISTMAS COOKIES?!"

Me: "Nope."

Jude: "But you can still play with playdough, right?

Yes. I can still do that. And, it's kind of Jude to reflect on the things I CAN do and CAN have. For a five-year-old he sure has been a big supporter for me. He knows my tummy is unhealthy and he wants a healthy Mama.

I asked them this morning, "Will you miss Mama's pillow tummy?" (As it does make a nice place to lay their heads)

Kate: "No. I will miss your hair."

Me: "I'm not losing my hair."

Jude: "No, Kate! She is losing her tummy and keeping her hair. Her hair will be even prettier when she loses her tummy." (Aw! I love this kid!)

Such interesting conversations at the breakfast table.
(Kate's still dealing with the trauma of Jude cutting her hair.)

I sure do love my kids!!! Two reasons why this is totally worth it!

Reflections on Week 2

I'm not posting my weight loss today because my weigh-in days are actually Wednesday, so...you'll just have to wait for the results!

But there are some things I wanted to say about Week #2.

It was easier. Except for Saturday when I wanted to eat my arm--what was THAT about?

Saying no to things really wasn't as hard as I expected. I didn't even feel sorry for myself.

I am sleeping so much better. Like a rock really. I used to lay in bed for hours just fretting about the most ridiculous things. But now I'm so tired when I go to bed, I actually sleep!

It used to be a vicious cycle. I'd be tired around 7:00 in the evening, but I would wait eagerly for Dan to take the kids up to bed (yes, he puts them to bed EVERY night without complaining--at least with his words.) and I would open every cupboard door in the kitchen...and the refrigerator and the freezer doors!...and load up on as many treats as my little...ahem, large...arms could carry. By 10:00 I would be WIDE awake. I wonder why? I wonder why I would have irrational thoughts for the next three hours or more? Maybe it was my staple evening diet of cereal, ice cream, pretzels, cheese, pop tarts, more ice cream, chips, crackers, decaf diet coke (must be diet, right?!), tortilla chips and salsa--throw in some sour cream and guacamole, too!--and leftover dessert from dinner. I would consume more than half my calories in a day after 7pm.

Let's review a day in my life this week:
9:00 am: Dutch Chocolate Shake
11:00 am: Peanut Butter Chocolate Crunch Bar
1:30pm: Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal
3:30 pm: Banana Shake
5:30 pm: Lemon Ginger Chicken and a Garden Salad
8:00 pm: Mint Chocolate Soft Serve
10:00 pm: Out like a light!

Life is good. I am satisfied and happy and experiencing so many changes already. Again, if someone would have told me I could do this, I would have been like, "You're crazy! I'm a freakin' food addict!!!" But...I am doing it. And I actually love it.

Isaiah 40:31

but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

I'm losing SOMETHING

This morning I grabbed a pair of jeans out of my drawer. I haven't worn them since September and the last time I had them on I had to lay down on my bed to zipper them. I put them on and zipped them right up!

Tonight I put on a pair of PJ bottoms that just never fit me quite right. They were especially tight in the thigh area...even after I had lost weight at PPA last year. But tonight, they are comfortable.

I'm definitely losing in my belly and my thighs. It is SO rewarding to already--not even a full two weeks on the program--begin to notice a difference.

I'm glad for this amazing outward reward today, because I've been hungry today. REALLY, get-out-of-my-way hungry. Still, I served my family their snacks and their food without even licking my fingers. I can't go back. I just can't.

That Smells Good

I was busy shopping today. And where there is shopping there are restaurants nearby. As I walked out of one store, the smell of Chinese food almost knocked me over. "Oh man! That SMELLS good!" My immediate response was, "I could really eat some of that!" but then I thought...

It IS possible to simply enjoy the way something smells and not have to experiences it with our other senses. It smells good. Period. That is enough.

And so later, when I walked into the bakery department of the grocery store I took a huge whiff and said, "THAT smells good." And I didn't even consider what it might be like to taste it. It was enough to appreciate the smell.

My First Night Out

Tonight was my first eating out experience on "the plan." (Yes, Katy, I believe I appropriately used the quotations here.)

It was good. I was able to order something that fit on the lean and green plan AND I made special requests--like don't put that garlic butter on my steak, please. And don't put any butter on my vegetable. Thank you!

There is a measure of faith that is exercised in eating out. You put your control over your food into someone else's hands. You can ask for all the right things, but that doesn't mean the kitchen crew actually honors that. You can only hope. In the same way, you can only hope that you eye-balled the right amount of veggies and the appropriate amount of salad dressing. (I wasn't going to pull my measuring spoons and cups out--there has to be a limit somewhere, right?)

I also served the kids grilled CHEESE sandwiches today without biting an "accidental" hole in one of them. (SMILE)

Just One

The one thing I love about this eating plan is that there is no room for "Oh, I'll have just one!" No. If it isn't a Medifast meal or a lean and green meal--there is nothing else that is on the approved list. (Well, very little.)

Tonight I was cleaning up after having friends over for dinner. (A lean green taco salad that was beyond delicious!) I was putting away a container of Christmas cookies that I served everyone else for dessert. As I put them away I thought to myself, "Now, the difference is, in the past I would have eaten one of them. I would have thought to myself, 'oh, one can't hurt!' Turns out...one can hurt." So, I put them away and actually considered for a moment how good it felt to make the right choices.

I miss cheese. If I "dream" about any food, it is actually cheese. Or something like pizza--dripping with cheese. Even so, I have been able to serve it to my family with joy. This is also such a huge blessing. I remember asking Shirley how she served her family food when she was so limited to what she could eat. She shared her strategy and I remember thinking, "Hmmm...I'm not sure I can serve them carbs and not want them." But I can. I can even serve dessert. And this is only week #2. I am so impressed with this plan!

Dip Into This!

Well, I survived the fondue party without even a scratch. Dan asked me when we left if I felt I had missed out on anything. I said, "No way! In some ways I think I had a fuller experience."

Instead of dipping into chocolate here's what I dipped into instead:

* I had a great conversation in the hallway with a friend
* I shared a sweet moment where my friend Sara who gave me a thoughtful gift of a book about setting our minds on Christ and gift certificate for a date with my hubby (to a restaurant where eating lean and green is actually easy!)
* I learned how to make a cool scarf
* I sipped two cups of a wonderfully warm, organic Cocoa Herbal Tea. Mmmm...divine!
* I got to see my husband act out "Ten Lords a' leapin'" in charades.
* I got to laugh until I almost cried.
* I got to be surrounded by plates of chocolate and realize, I'm honestly not even tempted by it. (HUGE!)

Now, one could argue that I would have gotten all of those things had I eaten the fondue anyway. But no. Not really. Because I would have been so fixated on the food that I would have missed the true PLEASURE of these moments.

Kelley and Shirley are right. Saying no to things like a fondue fountain is actually saying YES to a fountain that is full of abundant life! I like that fountain much better.

Exercising My Boundaries

There really are no more excuses, are there? Oh, sure, I could probably come up with a few...but, really? Take Shape for Life is the plan God has given me. This is my plan. It has very defined boundaries. I have to see this as the Lord hemming me in.

But do I see God in challenging situations? Like when a tray of cupcakes is put directly under my nose, and not only is my eating plan challenged, but my fear of man (and the desire not to offend others) is also put to the test?

I must trust that that Lord is bringing these kinds of things into my life as an opportunity to exercise my boundaries. And that's good. Because it's true.

As I insist on my boundaries, no doubt other WILL be offended. But I've made this decision to to regain my health and bring glory to God with my body, now I have to stand firm in Lord and in that plan. If others are offended, then it will give me countless growth opportunities in humility. And who couldn't use growth in humility?

Tonight I am going to a Christmas Party. Let me rephrase that. Tonight I am going to a CHOCOLATE FONDUE Christmas Party. Now, if that isn't a good chance to exercise my boundaries, I don't know what is. And, I do need some exercise, right?

"Chocolate Fondue?"
"Oh....No, thank you."

In Fact, I AM Doing It

Today I received an encouraging letter from my dear friend Kelley. She has been a HUGE encouragement to me this entire week. Here's what she said:

I know you can do it today!

“Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.” Proverbs 24:16

This is you! Weight Watchers, be gone! PPA, be gone!! You can do it!! In fact, you ARE doing it!!

I love when scripture speaks very specifically. Though a righteous man fall seven time...or ten times, or twenty times, or more...HE RISES AGAIN! What a great verse for me. Because here I am again. But it isn't the same place I've ever been before. I have all those experiences behind me. They have all be part of leading me to the here and now. Therefore, I can't despise my previous falls. They led me here. GOD led me here.

I am learning the importance of what motivates us to change. It cannot be our external circumstances. If I only want to do Take Shape for Life because I hope to feel better and look better...I will fall again. Because, in time I will start to feel better and look better. I'm already feeling better, actually. I won't be at my goal, but the external pressures will have subsided and I will make excuses to eat what I want or to be lazy or to say "yes" when I should say "no."

My motivation has to be greater than my circumstances. I am choosing this time to be motivated by a desire for optimal health and (not just an aside) to bring God glory with my body! Every decision I make has got to be in line with this goal. My need for this has got to be top priority right now. When I am faced with a chocolate fondue fountain, I will want it. My want for it will be strong. But I MUST stop and ask myself, "Does this support my goal for optimal health and to bring God glory with my body?" The answer is no. Therefore, the primary motivation MUST be greater than this secondary desire. I must start doing whatever has to be done to achieve my goal--even if that means making difficult choices, like not going to a party or even losing friends. (It could happen.)

This makes a lot of sense to me. Why haven't I been living my life like this in the first place? Because this philosophy (which came from Dr. Andersen's Take Shape for Life book) bleeds over into every area of our lives. For example, if our primary goal with our finances is to get out of debt--then every financial decision we make needs to support that goal.

Today, I am realizing that I'm still seriously detoxing. I am on edge and could rip off someone's head in a moment. I haven't, but I could. (Though there are still waking hours left in this day...so, everyone better watch their heads!) But I am so sensing God's presence and help. He is FOR me, not against me.

This is not actually about the weight. Though the weight will drop.

This is not actually about feeling better. Though I will--and I do.

This is about changing every area of my life--but particularly my health--so that God will be gloried in a greater way.

And yeah...I AM doing it!