Gratitude

The Lord is teaching me to give thanks in all things.  In plenty and in need--give thanks. I love this song by Nicole Nordeman.  The lines I really love are these:

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Don't Look Back

2012 Victors of the Cherry Crest Corn Maze!  (October 2012) 

"I do not consider myself to have apprehended spiritual maturity or Christlike perfection, but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:13-14

A runner who looks backward will lose the race, and I am not interested in losing! (Except weight--I certainly don't mind losing THAT!)

I am so thankful for Elisabeth George's book, "Loving God with All Your Mind."  This book has been a paramount part of my success over the past year and a big part of what God has revealed to me.  According to her, here are some powerful questions I must ask myself if I want to live like the Apostle Paul is suggesting in Phil 3:13-14.

• Am I focusing my efforts toward the prize that waits at the end, or am I too content watching other people's efforts?
• Am I "training" regularly and "working out" in the daily disciplines of my Christian life?
• Am I properly fueling my body with sleep, nutrition, and exercise for maximum results?

Running the race--living for Christ and growing into His image--requires focus and discipline.

 People will often ask me how I was able to get to where I am now.  "How did you lose so much weight?"  And they don't mean, "What program did you use?" when they are asking it with this tone.  They mean, "How did you find the self-control and will power to do such a thing?!"

I didn't find it.  It was provided for me.  God put a path in front of me and I could either walk in it or not.  Deciding not to would have left me where I was, and inevitably would have been much worse in the long run.  Deciding to take the steps meant having faith.  But how could I have that faith?

Well, for starters, I reflected on the things God had already done for me in my life.  The list was long if I was willing to spend time remembering.

Then, I made a list of what it was that I really wanted.  What would freedom from food look like for me?  What would it mean to me if I could move and have energy again?  What would it look like if I could sleep at night and be more productive during the day?  What kinds of things could I do that I couldn't do if I stayed where I was?

Those things became like little prizes.  I set my feet on that scary path and I kept my eyes on the prizes.  If we don't know WHY we're desiring change, then the change won't happen.

You can either believe that you can.  Or believe that you can't.  Either way--you'll be right.

Choose to believe you CAN.  And then...

...forget those things which are behind you and reach forward to those things which are ahead, and press on toward the goal for the prize...

The Journey Is Continual: Give Thanks!

We will always find what we are looking for.  Grace is always there when we need it--if we're willing to keep our eyes open for it.  It is everywhere.  Even when we least expect it.

I've been to two parties this weekend.  It's shocking to me how much food is involved with our holidays celebrations.  Not surprising, but still shocking.  Our entire gatherings basically revolved around the food.

I am left thinking about how far I've come.  And, yet, how far I still have to go...

This will be the story of our lives, I think.  The journey is continual.  There are places of rest, but we still are not HOME until we've reached Heaven's gate.  We rest, and then we begin another leg of the journey.

I keep thinking about how the road to freedom begins with the path of denying ourselves.  Crazy how such a wide, beautiful road begins with what appears to be so dangerous to us.  But, if it were a pretty, well-groomed trail, it would not require such enormous faith to begin.

Today, I was reflecting on the Israelites.  I'm so thankful for their example to us--mostly of what NOT to do.  I was reading about how they were doubting God's faithfulness and plan for them.  They were hungry and weary and didn't believe in their journey anymore.  They were blaming Moses and Aaron for their "suffering."  They had forgotten the suffering of their past and what they were being delivered from.

"If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." Exodus 16:3

Let me ask you: 
Would you rather die a slave with a full belly?  
Or as a hungry man on the road to freedom?

Before you answer too quickly, spend some time pondering the life of a slave.  Owned by a cruel master, powerless, beaten down, in pain, longing to be taste even a moment of freedom.


I was a slave to food. 

I can assure you that this path of self-denial that leads to freedom is a way more merciful and beautiful place to dwell.

The awesome thing is, God provided for the grumpy, complaining, ungrateful Israelites--he provided them with bread from Heaven.  And they STILL complained.

God has provided me with a way of escape.  I can complain about being bored with it, or how it tastes, or how much better life was before--but if I do that, I am missing his miracle.  Bread from Heaven.  Enough for today.  I will NOT go hungry on this path--because He will provide.

No, I want to SEE Him.  I want to THANK Him.  I want to PRAISE Him.  I want to grow in contentment and grace.  And I never want to be a slave to anything but His righteousness.

So, when the cupcakes are passed right in front of my face--I will gladly say, "No thank you!"  Because this is the way to freedom and I want to be FREE!!!

I wrote in my journal two years ago: "I want to say that trusting God looks like 'eating healthy foods.'"  Now...I DO say that!

The Road to Freedom is Also the Path of Denial

We took our annual Christmas trip to New York City last Saturday.  It was a great day!  So different than last year when I didn't want to even think about walking all day.  This year, we covered a lot of ground and I could have kept on going.  I just love having energy again and being free of all the pain that comes with being obese.  This truly feels like the best gift anyone could have ever given me.

The Lord continues to reveal a lot to me. In the days and weeks ahead I will expound upon those lessons more.  But today I just wanted to take a moment and reflect on the gratefulness I have in my heart. 

In our society, the holidays give us a free pass on indulging and binging and be gluttonous.  I could never imagined how FREEING it feels to be counter cultural!  Before TSFL, I would have thought that not partaking in the food-fest would feel like deprivation and bondage.  But, in fact, just the opposite is true.  When the appetizers are being passed around at a party or someone is shoving cookies in my face, it is awesome to look those cookies right in the face and say, "No thank you!" 

This is from my journal in May 0f 2009--more than two years before I would begin to understand how denying myself is even possible, much less far more gratifying than indulgence. 

It's hard to listen to Jesus. He's always whispering to us, I think. If we're willing to listen. He saying, "Deny yourself...follow me." At least that's what he was saying to me.
It was 3:00 on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. I had just had a wonderful time of fellowship with an old friend. We shared lunch together and talked about years gone by. We laughed, we cried, we praised God...we ate. But I was not satisfied when I left her house. I knew from the moment I turned out of her driveway that McDonalds was calling my name. And to make the trip even more easy, the children were asleep before we even hit the main road.

As I drove down the busy highway I heard him urging me. "My way is the way of denial. You can do this." But the voice in my head was screaming at me, trying to drown out his quiet, but powerful voice. Without thought I reached for the left turn signal, almost as if controlled by an outside source. Like a small piece of metal being pulled by a strong magnet I turned into McDonald's. I might as well have said, "You think I'm going to listen to you, God? Forget it!" That's what my action communicated as I ordered my food.

The sad moment for me was realizing that the food only lasted me approximately three minutes. And then it was gone. I had sacrificed obedience to Jesus for three minutes of pleasure. I knew in that moment I was wrong...very wrong.

365

Today is day #365.

365 days of grace and growth and freedom and new life.

Tomorrow is day #1 of "get the job done."

Thankful to God for December 5, 2011, and that gift of faith He gave me to take the first step.  It was a banana shake and I talked to Barbara Weaver that morning on the phone.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  But it wasn't yesterday.  It was 365 days ago.

Thankful to God for December 5, 2012, and the new life that I've been given!  I am blessed.

LOOK WHAT MY GOD HAS DONE!!!!

A Reflection of Lessons from 2012

I have been a little silent on here lately, but it hasn't been for a lack of TONS of things happening and lots of lessons learned.

This blog post ought to make up for all the absent posts recently.  Snuggle in and get ready to read my reflections of lessons I've learned in 2012.  And these things only skim the surface.

My weight loss has been such a deeply personal experience for me that has spanned far more than the last year of success.  I’ve learned some things along the way that have been very encouraging to me and may help all of us face our “fears” and move forward with confidence.

1) We only have this moment.  Think of what is TRUE.  Often, when traveling on a long hard journey (regardless of the area of sin that is being addressed) we allow our minds to fret over the future.  We begin to materialize in our minds all the things that this journey will mean for us.  “I can’t give up cake forever.”  “What if I lose the weight and my husband still doesn’t find me attractive?”  “Why should I even start this journey?  All of my other starts have only led to failure.  This time won’t be any different.”  Etc…  (And boy, is that a HUGE “etc…”)  But the Lord has only given us this moment.  Philippians 4:8 reminds us: “whatever is true…think on such things.”  Speculations about the future are not true.  Fears about the future are not true.  God’s word is “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”  We get to see where are feet are—his word lights THAT for us.  That light allows us to not stumble on the rocks and the obstacles in our immediate path.  And through that comes a peace that we will be able to have a way of escape for what lies ahead that we cannot see.  A big part of my weight loss journey has been thinking on what is true.  That means what is true about my current reality, what is true about my past, and most importantly, what is true about God.  Knowing Truth (capital T) is crucial to success in winning the battle.

2) Run toward to prize, not away from the devourer.  Philippians 2:12-14 says, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  Yes, of course the ultimate prize is Christ, but hear on this earth there are things we can run toward that will inspire us to love Christ more and “throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that easily entangles us and run with perseverance…”  So often, in the past, I was running from my sin.  And there is, of course, a biblical principle in that.  But just running from sin misses something incredibly powerful.  We don’t have to run FROM, we need to run TO.  This is the picture the Lord gave me through the words of a very wise friend.  “Imagine you are in the woods and there is a pack of angry, hungry wolves chasing you.  Your heart is pounding and you have one thing on your mind—you have to escape!  But the harder you run, the more tired you get and the more doubt fills your mind.  You stumble and get back up, legs weak and arms bruised from the fall.  Now the wolves are even closer.  Finally, you fall over a large log in the path.  In that moment you realize, you’re not getting out of there alive.  You can’t possibly do it.  You are a victim of the devourers.  You lay down and accept your fate.  You will be eaten.  Now…imagine a different scenario.  Imagine instead that under the Golden Gate bridge there is a treasure box with your name on it.  And in that box is enough treasure to afford you the rest of your life without any worries.  It’s yours—for free.  The only thing is, you can only use your feet to get there.  In that scenario, you keep pressing forward, even if there are hard days.  You take a rest and you get back up.  You don’t stay down.  You aren’t being devoured.  You are no longer a victim.  You are moving with razor focus toward one goal—no matter how long it takes you to get there.”  That’s what it looks like to keep your eyes “fixed on Christ”—to run toward what He is calling you to do.  For me, that looks like running toward health.  Throwing off everything that hinders DOES mean eating a very particular way.  (I saw your comment to Richard, and I do understand what you were saying…but for me, on my journey, I disagree.  For me, Doritos do equal sin.  “Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful…” and Romans 14:2 says, “One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.”  We must follow God and know ourselves and our own personal weaknesses well.)

3) Throwing off means being FREE.  When we are thinking on what is true and running toward the prize for which God has called us heavenward, then we can experience freedom.  This is short and sweet—but my journey toward health has enabled me to worship more purely.  There is no longer a vice on me that is creating a chasm between God and me.  It is for FREEDOM that I have been set free.  Christ didn’t die so that I could be a slave to another master.  Man cannot serve two masters.  But for a long time I was serving another master—food was controlling my life.  I have not reached “perfection”—no way!  But in the process, I get to experience a fuller intimacy with Christ.  Another “lover” is no longer allowed in our bed.  I am like Gomer, coming home to Hosea.  PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!!

4) I am IN Christ & He is in me.  For all the years I have heard those verses about abiding in Christ and Him abiding in me, I never really understood that until I started walking this journey and addressing my fears one by one.  And then my sister gave me a little object lesson one day that changed the way I view my fears and temptations and my place with God.  She handed me a paper heart and said, “Write Jesus on this and then put it in this envelope.”  I did that and then I wrote my name on the outside of the envelope.  Then she handed me a bigger envelope.  “Write Jesus on this and put your envelope inside of it.”  I did that and then was handed a the largest envelope.  “Write The Father on this and put all of the envelopes in it.”  She then shared with me that nothing gets to me that has not first gone through The Father and through Jesus and even when it gets to me, Jesus is inside of me.  Such a simple illustration, but so profound for me.  I don’t have to fear devourers.  Nothing can harm me—for I am nestled in God and in Christ and Christ is in me.  THIS Truth qualms my fears every day as they arise.

Okay…I could obviously go on and on.  But I’ll end with this.  I have found it very unhelpful to have a list of things to “do” and “don’t do” from man—whether it is in my Christian walk or in a particular area of struggle. (which, I guess is part of my Christian walk)  What I have found extremely helpful is Truth.  And I have found a very pliable heart when I have an ear turned to hearing God speak.  

I don’t take pride in my body—except that my body represents something GOD has done in my life that is visible and tangible to others.  If God can do THIS in MY life, then it gives people all kinds of HOPE for what God can do in theirs.  And THAT makes the journey extra amazing.  That God would use something that is such a weakness—something that had beaten me for so many, many years—to serve others and lead them to a freedom that means loving God more as well—well, bring it on!  

I am a broken vessel, ready and willing to be used.




Thanks for the opportunity to share just a glimpse of my heart.  This has, possibly, been the most important year of my life.  And the best is yet to come!  The race is not over.  The prize is still ahead of me.  And I cannot stop running!!!!!