Reflections on Week #20

I'm tired.  So, I don't have much to post.

It's been a good week.  I attended my first Take Shape for Life training event in Annapolis, MD, this past Saturday and came away feeling so blessed by all that God is doing in our lives.  I am now coaching MORE than a handful of people and feel so honored that I would get to do that.

I think the biggest thing ahead of me right now is learning how to plan and prioritize my life.  It's just one more area where I see that I am very weak.  But our weaknesses are just ways God uses to keep us depending on Him.  There are so many GOOD things I could be doing.  And there are so many WONDERFUL people I could (and should) be seeing.  But the truth right now is that it has to be a step by step moment of just following God or I will burn out.  And we don't want that!

I'm really glad that I'm in this with Dan and that he is as excited about TSFL as I am.  I'm also surrounded by family and friends who are walking this journey with me very closely--which is so refreshing!

I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing...  These 20 weeks have gone fast!

Keep Your Money

Last week we had to take Kate to Hershey Medical for a surgery consultation. (Nothing major!)  When we left we stopped and had dinner at Applebees.  

I'm sure you've seen the commercials, right?  Applebees 2/$20 options!  They include an appetizer to share, two dinners of a select menu and a dessert.

The man and woman behind us ordered the 2/$20 deal.  I know this because...well, I'm nosy!  The both got the 6oz. steak and all of the fixings that came with it, plus the added app and dessert.

We, too, wanted the 6oz. steak dinner, but we didn't want anything extra.  Because their vegetables (with the exception of broccoli) really weren't vegetables at all (c'mon, is a potato really allowed in the veg category just because it is grown in the ground?!) we asked if we could have a side salad in place of our second vegetable.  There would be an up charge.  Fine.

Sadly, when the check arrived, I realized that we spent several dollars more for our meal than our neighbors.  They ate WAAAAAY more food than us for less money.

Some call this value.

I call this the "American Way."

WAKE UP!

Restaurants are actually paying YOU to eat more.  That's right.  They're paying you.  "Well," you argue, "You can't blame us for wanting a bargain."  Really?  Is it a bargain?

The cost of being obese is enormous.  That food is not a bargain.  There is no value.

Applebees can keep their money, thank you very much.  If being healthy means paying more for my dinner, than where's the check?  Hand it over.  It's worth a few extra dollars in the long run.

No offense to Applebees.  I could have picked any restaurant, really.  And the food was good.  And, in the end, it really was comparable to other restaurants in terms of price.  But, my point is not to be fooled by "value." 

On another note, my kids opted for celery over fries with their hamburgers.  Now, that's pretty cool.  They ate all of it and were happy with THEIR choice. 

When one person dares to take a step toward health, the whole family ends up inevitably following.  Now, how much is THAT worth?

Week #19: Take Up Your Cross

I used to think there was no escaping the allure of food!

I've said this before, but I am so thankful that my friend Sara gave me the book "Loving God with All Your Mind" by Elizabeth George when I first started on this journey of TSFL.  That book really helped set my mind on what is TRUE.  I think that is one big reason that my outlook has been so good for 19 weeks.

Last night I had the privilege of listening to a sermon by Curtis Allen, a Sovereign Grace pastor at a church in Riverdale, MD.  Curtis has all the passion you would imagine a black pastor to have--and I hope I don't sound racist in saying that. (I was just telling Dan that I wish we were as expressive about our joy in the Lord as those who attend Brightside Baptist here in Lancaster city!)  But Curtis is also overweight and is very vulnerable in sharing his struggle with eating to his congregation. 

I cried.

Obesity is a place where hopelessness loves to dwell.  We need more men and women of courage who are willing to step out and say, "This is/was me!  But no more!  Because I have HOPE!"  We all need hope in the hopeless places.  And the only hope is really Jesus.  Oh, yes, Take Shape for Life is a wonderful tool and I am proud to be part of it!  But this journey is about DAILY taking up my cross and following Jesus.

The cross is not a glamorous thing.  The cross is cruel, actually.  But when the cross was set in front of Jesus, in that moment, he chose to obey His Father. 

And I must choose to obey the Father, too, in the area of my eating.  I must learn the privilege it is to deny myself.  The glory that there is in living this life with my mind set on Christ and not on this world.

If I am going to follow Jesus, then I am going to suffer.  I am going to carry the cross for the rest of my life.  And that cross is heavy sometimes.  That cross is HEAVY. 

But is denying myself the right to eat or drink whatever I want, whenever I want, really suffering? 

I think it is.  It IS denying myself...and that is the first thing that Jesus says to do before you take up his cross. 

Matthew 8:34-35“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." 

Listen, there are days when I am too tired to fight.  There are still days when I don't feel like I  have the faith to go after this.  I don’t want to deny on myself.   It would be easy to just go back to my old way of living.  That would be very easy. 

Curtis Allen says, "We can tend to rely on grace to forgive us.  But grace is not just there to comfort us when we do wrong.  It is not a consolation prize when we fail.  Grace is a weapon. It is a weapon so that we don’t fail!" 

I must arm myself with the same way of thinking.  (Not feeling!)  I have the weapon of grace at my disposal--to KEEP ME from failing! 

To deny ourselves means that the battle is going to be between "how I feel" vs. "what I think."  That’s the battle.  So, I need to learn to think on Truth. 

The exciting news is...I will learn how to truly obey God when I don’t give in to the allure of food.  And that's just one more great thing that's happening on this journey. 

Don't you love how I started out just wanting to lose weight, but now I am gaining infinitely so much more!!! 

I must lose my life, in order to save it!

Week #18: Just Sit Down!

 

This is the only picture I could find of me sitting.  Pictures where I was sitting were usually cropped so you couldn't see my thighs and how my legs couldn't shut.  This was last August at our weekend getaway for my 40th birthday.  I loved this chair because of how big it was.

I couldn't find any pictures of me sitting down.  That's because it was one of the most painful things I could do before.  Oh, I would much rather have been sitting than standing--who wanted to stand holding 300 pounds?!  BUT...often I didn't fit into chairs and getting down into the seat was just slightly less painful than getting up out of the seat.

Toilets were the worst!  (Yes, Katy, if you are reading this you should just stop here.  I will be using potty words!) 

Once, I was at a party and I had to go to the bathroom really badly.  As soon as I saw the toilet I panicked.  It was practically ON the ground!  But I had to go, so I had no choice but to get down there.  Only problem?  (Oh, this is embarrassing!)  I couldn't get back up.  There was nothing to grab hold of to hoist me back on my feet.  My knees and back were too weak to make the journey up without support.  I sat there and thought, "I'm going to have to die on this toilet.  This is what the end looks like!"  But I survived.  What did I do?  I got down on my hands and knees, because it was easier to get up from that position because I could push up on my hands.  I know, sad, right?!

Another time, when I was at a friend's house, I grabbed a towel bar to hold on to on my way up from the potty.  CRASH!  I pulled the whole thing off the wall.  EM-BARRASS-ING!!!!

Yesterday, I was at an event and I noticed that the toilets in the public restroom were very low.  But I realized I no longer had a paralyzing fear.  I can get up and down with ease now.  I don't have to hold on to anything to hoist my body down or to lift my body up.  I can carry my own weight.  WHOA!!!  This is no small thing, Friends.

I also taught the three-year-olds at church last Sunday.  Now, one thing about teaching the tiny kids--they have VERY tiny chairs.  And there was never a teacher chair in the room.  So, I really never sat with the kids.  There was no way I was getting down onto the tiny chair, nor did I have any confidence that tiny chair wouldn't collapse under my weight even if I did get down there!!!  BUT...last week, I could get up and down easily off of the tiny chairs.  AND, I was down on the floor playing with the kids, never concerned that I might not be able to get up!

This is all just in 18 weeks.  Imagine how I will feel in another 18 weeks.  This is nothing short of a miracle.  Look how God is changing my life!!!

Oh, and, I am now one pound away from weighing what I did on my wedding day!  I love this man!!!  (And...he's one pound away from being at a healthy BMI weight!) 

Week 17 Reflections: 60 Pounds Gone!

I was just remembering the hopelessness.  All the tears that I shed in the trying, the failing, the wanting, the praying, the...hopelessness.

I still shed tears.

My eyes welled up when I went down the slide with my kids this week at the park.  When I ran my Couch to 5K training with my son and we high fived each other at the end of the training.  When I stepped on the scale and took a deep breath--"I've lost 60 pounds.  60 pounds!"**  (So incomprehensible!) 

I cry when I share my journey, like yesterday when Dan and I had the opportunity to share with one of our pastors at Crossway Church about all the unbelievable blessings God is pouring out on our lives right now.  (The pastor cried too!)

I cry when others share their hopeless with me.  And then again when they realize there is hope for them too!

There was a time when I despised my sensitivity and emotions.  Not anymore.  I celebrate the fact that I can feel things deeply.  My own things and the experiences of others.  THAT is a gift!

I'm not without hope.  I never really was. Jesus was always my only hope.  My life and experiences have been a perfect plan that God has written for my life.  It has included suffering.  "How long, oh Lord!  How long must I endure this hopelessness and suffer under my own weaknesses?!"  And He has said, "Soon, Julie.  Soon...I will set you free."  But it wasn't soon enough for me.  See, He is patient--and I am impatient.  He always knew what was best for me and how He would rescue me.  And LOOK at what He has done.  Only HE could do this in my life.  Only He could set me free.

Take Shape for Life is a wonderful tool.  It was part of God's way for me and I see how He uses it in other people's lives as well.  It is a program that has helped me not only be free from my weight, but also from what had bound my mind and heart to food in the first place.  It has been very revealing for me.  And it has taken me to a place where I can see why I ended up in that hopeless place.  It has been a tool for building my faith.  But it has been that for me--because I was READY to go there.  Because every day I would fall on my face before God and say, "This is YOUR day and I will choose to be thankful today for the manna in the desert.  And I will trust you to bring the change in me."

It is a joy to help others along that journey.  Not everyone has started in the complete hopeless place that I was--but they still find great hope!  Not everyone has the same results that I have had, but they are seeing results!  Not everyone knows what it means to trust in God for this journey, but they are still so encouraged and inspired.  Not everyone has 160 pounds to lose when they start, but they know they want to choose health and not keep living their lives enslaved to food--no matter what their current size.

60 pounds represents God's promises to me being fulfilled.  And that makes me cry for a whole new reason!  THERE IS HOPE!!!!

**Results will vary. Typical results on the Medifast 5&1 program are up to 2 – 5 lbs per week.

Playing is Fun!

Today I spent the day at a park with one of my best girlfriends and my kids.  It was so much fun!  I learned that I can now sit on a swing without my thighs being crushed; that I fit down a sliding board without getting stuck midway down; that I still weigh too much for the swaying obstacle course (oh well! LOL!) and that I really, really loved playing with my kids in my new body!  Pictures to come.

I also stopped to go potty at the bathroom while Katy and the kids kept walking.  "I'll catch up!" I said.  And I DID catch up to them because I was able to jog down the trail!!!  These are awesome, healthy changes.

Thank you, Lord!!!