Eight Week Before/After

Results vary.  Typical results 2-5 lbs the first 2wks, 1-2lbs each wk thereafter.  For more information, please contact me!

Reflections on Week #8

We always have choices.  About what we wear, about what we order when we're out to eat...some choices are just better than others!  (Yes, that really is my husband and me at the movie theater.  Don't ask!)

Okay, okay...the eight week pictures are coming!  I have to wait for my photographer to get home from work.  But, as you can see...I was down two more pounds this week.*

I almost take it for granted.  I don't want to do that.

TSFL is like old hat to me now.  It's just what I do.  I continue to find excellent lean and green meals to make for my family.  They even have their favorites.

I've started standing up for myself when I'm invited somewhere else for a meal.  For example, we had a meeting the other day where lunch would be served.  I called ahead and said, "Don't count me in the numbers for lunch.  I'm going to bring my own food."  The leader of the meeting REALLY wanted to accommodate me.  I appreciated that.  However, I simply explained that, while I was grateful for their willingness to serve me, I have often found that people don't fully understand the parameters of my eating plan...so it is best if I just bring my own food.  Nothing would make me feel worse than if someone went out of their way to prepare something for me, I got there and realized, "Um...I'm not eating that!"  So, that means asserting myself.  It's best to do that ahead of time--for you and for your host.  So far I've found that everyone is very understanding and supportive of me doing whatever I need to do.

That means, also, not worrying what other people think about my choices.  As everyone else sat around the table with their plates full of pizza, I sat with a plate of Medifast Pizza Bites and a diet soda.  I realized pretty quickly, no one cares what I'm eating.  Only one friend, who knows what I'm doing, leaned over and said, "Looks good.  Now will that actually fill you up?"  I said yes, and she expressed her amazement.  (It really is amazing!)

It also means that we walk into restaurants, look at menus and then excuse ourselves.  I was in a bind this past weekend when, we had a very short amount of time to get dinner, and we had to eat out with very limited choices as to where to go.  The first place we went, where I knew I could get a nice salad and some grilled chicken--CLOSED!  What?!  The next place, we sat down, took one look at the menu and decided, "Never mind."  Then, we went to a pizza shop where I ordered a grilled chicken salad.  It was very inexpensive, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when it came out and was the size of a small, side salad with about half a piece of chicken.  Ha ha!  Dan and I just laughed, and without even needing to ask, Dan got up and ordered me another salad--so I had two!  I love that man!  He also willing took all of my carrots from the salad, of which there were a lot, but they were easy to remove.  After dissecting it and combining it with my second order, I had the perfect amount and, somehow, salad never tasted so good to me.

You have to do what you have to do.  There was a time when that would have mortified me.  Or put me in a panic.  Not anymore. 

Tomorrow is the colonoscopy.  I figure, if Katie Couric could have hers done live on TV, I can talk about it on my blog.  I'm thankful that until 6pm tonight I can have my medifast shakes and soft served ice creams.  After that I begin the official "prep."  I can have sugar free Popsicles, jello, diet sodas, water, chicken broth and tea tonight and tomorrow until my procedure at 2:30.  No lean and green for me tonight.  That's why I gave my official weigh-in today...so the results weren't skewed. 

All said, things are going great!  I would recommend TSFL to anyone!

*results vary. Typical results 2-5lbs the first two weeks, 1-2lbs each wk thereafter.

A Busy Week Ahead

The week ahead of me will be a very busy one, but I will not disappoint you.  I will be doing my usual Wednesday Weigh-in on Tuesday this week, as I have my colonoscopy scheduled for Wednesday. (Getting healthy!!!)

It's also--WEEK #8, which means I'll post a new set of pictures.  I know some of you are dying to see the changes.

Today in church I had the first person notice my weight loss who wasn't aware that I am doing TSFL.  That was exciting and encouraging.  It's noticeable!!!  WOW!!!

Who Controls the Scale?

"Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength." Isaiah 30:15

In the past I have always shared openly with anyone about my journey of eating/weight loss/struggles.  If I was doing PPA at the Y, everyone knew about it.  If I started Weight Watcher, everyone knew about it.  When I started my own Biggest Loser Club I told the whole world, and many people followed me.

But when I shared my "next attempts" I always had to share my failures.  All those attempts were met with what seemed to be an inability to lose weight.  It made me very angry.  I couldn't control the scale.  I would work and work and work, step on the scale and...nothing.  While other people around me were dropping pounds with ease.  Well, that's at least how I perceived it.

The reality of not being able to make the numbers on the scale go down showed me that I am not the one in control of that scale.  I can no more control my inability to lose weight than I can my ability to shed it. 

One time, my dear friend Cynthia told me, "You do know, if God wanted to, He could just melt the pounds off of you."  That was a cool picture.  And I knew it was true.  Which was one of the reasons I became so angry when I couldn't lose.  "Lord!  You could melt these pounds off of me!"  And, because He didn't do that at my command, I was full of unbelief that He had good things in mind for me.

Finally, I had to sit down.  I had to stop being angry and confess my unbelief to God.  I had to repent and rest.  And then God said, "Ask me, and I will carry you."  And that is how I got here.  When I stopped making excuses, stopped being angry...and started trusting.

I decided not to shout it out to the world when I started TSFL.  I decided to hold it close and guard it with my life.  Whether it was working or not.  In quietness and confidence would be my strength.

Recently, I've started sharing my story with more people.  It is typically met with warmth and an awe for God.  I've had friends tell me that it is obvious my body is changing, but even more obvious that my heart is changing.  Some have said I talk differently (in my words and in my tone) than I did before.  That is the confidence of God--and the faith He has given me.  Some say well-meaning things that come across much differently than they probably intend.  When that happens, I have been much more quick to think charitably of others.

Last week, someone I respect very much said to me, "You need to slow down!  You're losing weight way too fast.  I'm concerned for you."

I appreciated her concern.  But when I was alone I had to laugh to myself.  "You need to slow down," I thought to myself.  What does that mean? 

Every day I wake up and, one step at a time, I follow the plan that is set before me.  I don't go off the trail, even in a tiny way.  This time, I do it God's way.  After all, He's carrying me.  I need only to rest and be quiet and trust--faithfully doing exactly what I'm called to do.  I can no more control the scale now than I could last year at this time.  God is melting the weight off me.  And the only words that matter to me right now are His.  And He says, "Be quiet and confident."

I am not in control of the scale.  He is.  And I can take a deep breath and trust Him.

Hiccups and Clothing

In NYC a few years ago--that's the brown shirt that fits me again!

First...on a silly note...I get the hiccups EVERY time I eat the Medifast Honey Mustard Pretzels.  I mean there has not been one single time I have eaten them that has been hiccup-free.  Weird, I know.  I just thought I'd share that, because I think it's funny.

Today I put on this long sleeve, brown T-Shirt.  It used to fit fine, but then suddenly it seemed too short.  For a long time it has always crept up on me, exposing my tummy.  But not today.  Today it is hanging as it should have always hung.  It is longer on me now, because the length isn't being taken up by so much girth.  That's a good feeling.

As I was putting laundry in the washer today, I noticed a BEAUTIFUL coat of mine.  I bought it when Dan and I got married.  It's a quilted red jacket with a soft, plush black fur collar.  Man, I love that coat.  We married in January of 2005.  In July we found out we were expecting our first baby.  So...the next winter I couldn't wear the coat, as I was hugely pregnant.  The winter after that, I wore it but could not longer zipper it.  Then I got pregnant with Kate.  Another winter with a preggo belly passed.  'sigh'

For seven years that coat has hung in expectation of being worn again.  It hasn't gone out of style.  In fact, my girlfriend was just admiring it a few months ago, wanting it for herself.

I put it on today.  It doesn't zipper yet, but I'm still 35 pound heavier than I was on my wedding day.  It occurred to me that I may never wear that coat again.  Spring will probably be right around the corner (if not upon us) when I reach the measurements required to zip that warm, winter jacket.  Meaning, it will have to wait for next winter--at which time it should fall right off of me.  But, honestly...I'd rather not wear it because I'm too thin than because I'm too heavy! :)

Weigh in: Week Six | Lost My Daughter!!!

My daughter is so beautiful.  I know I'm biased, but I just think she is the prettiest, smartest little thing.  She weighs 35 pounds now, fully clothed, and will be four years old in February.

Today, when I stepped on the scale, I had lost another 4 pounds!  That means I have lost 33 pounds total since December 5--in seven weeks!  I just lost my daughter.  She's big for her age, so it is VERY safe to say, I lost a whole four-year-old!  When I think  of it like that, all of THAT off my body already, my jaw drops.  It's hard to think about what it would be like to carry my daughter everywhere for months and years on end, without any reprieve.  But that's what I've just done.

I'm inching closer to the weight I was when I ended PPA at the Y.  I feel completely different though.  I was just with one of my fellow teammates yesterday from PPA and I was telling her that I wished I had felt this good when I was doing those workouts.  When I think back to a year ago and how much pain my body was in, I can hardly feel like I am the same person today.

This weekend, the pain of an old injury returned.  I had fallen down our basement steps in December 2010 and fractured some ribs.  It was a long, painful recovery.  One that I was enduring while I was working out with my second PPA team.  One January night, around this same time of year, we were asked to bring our snow shovels to a team workout.  We alternated shoveling the snow around the walking path of the Y and walking with our shovels held above our heads.  The pain from my ribs made lifting my arms above my head an even more laborious task--but I was determined.  After the shoveling we walked through deep snow, still with shovels overhead, all the way to the farthest tree on the property.  Then we walked back.  And just when we thought it was almost over, as the parking lot of the Y was coming into view, there was our faithful trainer yelling at us to run to the entrance.  Really?  That was a moment of sheer determination and will.

The pain I felt this past weekend was a reminder of what I have accomplished in my past.  And it was a reminder of how debilitating pain can be, but that it is possible to push through our pain (physically, mentally and emotionally). 

I'm thankful that my reoccurring rib/back pain has subsided.  But now I realize, if I could do that shovel exercise with broken ribs, I can do ANYTHING. 

Now that I'm feeling good, I really need to get back in an exercise routine.  That's my goal, and it fully supports my primary choice of optimal health.

Long-Term, Lasting Goals

"Too many of us set short term goals to getting healthy; (I want to look good for my reunion, etc.) your health should always be a priority. Work each day to get yourself healthier and healthier!" 

-Dr. Wayne Andersen, Habits of Health

I'm posting a link to another blog post that was run today on Dr. Wayne Andersen's blog.  Many of you have told me that my blog has inspired you to make changes in your own health and nutrition.  But how can the changes we make be LASTING?  This is full of nuggets of truth I've been learning from Dr. A's book. 

Take a moment to check out this post by Marsha Hildebrand, RN, entitled: Turning New Year's Resolutions Into Health Goals Using Structural Tension.

Have a productive and healthy day!  Tomorrow is weigh-in Wednesday!!!

Reflections on The Hunger Games

If you want your entire weekend absorbed in a book you can't put down, then I am going to recommend The Hunger Games trilogy--not that I have even read all three yet, but I'm sure I'll be done with them in a week!  But--WARNING--they are not for the faint of heart.

So, why am I going to give you a book review on my "Downsizing" blog?  Keep reading and you will understand.  Or, at least you will if you've read the book.

My initial encounter with the first book (The Hunger Games) was this Christmas when my niece asked for it as a gift.  I thought she wanted to book about weight loss.  Ha ha!  It wasn't until I read the back cover of the book that I realized, "Oh, this is NOT what I thought it was!"

Suddenly, I was hearing about this book from every person I encountered.  I have no time for pleasure reading.  I read slowly--it takes me a long time to read through an entire book.

I never imagined, when I picked it up on Saturday, that I would finish it before lunchtime today.  I think that is a record. Yet, from the very first page, The Hunger Games had me sucked in as if I were one of the actual players in their game.

The story revolves around two teens who are summoned to participate in the country's annual "Hunger Games."  The country is a redistribution of North America--in the FUTURE.  Suzanne Collin's paints a very vivid possibility for a grim political structure.  Each year, two children (ages 12-18; 1 boy and 1 girl) are chosen from each of the existing 12 districts to fight to the death in a natural arena, while the whole gruesome manhunt is televised for all to see.

The Hunger Games movie will be out in March 2012

Katniss Everdeen, the main character, and her District #12 competitor, Peeta, are both underdogs.  Katniss is thin and small.  Her district is very poor and she has had to hunt for food her whole life.  She is a survivor before she even enters the arena.  Her whole life has been about surviving.  Walking through Katniss' fictitious journey with her this weekend I could clearly see God, even though I don't think Suzanne Collins had any intentions of pointing her audience in His direction.  I was reminded of this powerful truth:

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." 1 Cor. 1:27

In every situation, even in years of suffering, God knows the future and knows how our suffering will benefit us.  He knows how every experience in our past and in our present will pertain to our needs in the future.  We don't get to have that future perspective.  But He does.

I wanted to lose weight for years.  YEARS.  I struggled to understand why He would not help me.  I worked hard, I trained hard.  I sulked.  I quit.  I made up excuses.  But God has reasons beyond what I could ever see, for EVERYTHING He does.  I don't pretend to know what they are.  But I write about this because I don't want to forget, that HE sees the future.  I don't.  A day of starvation may be right around the corner.  A day of terminal illness when I would be thankful for a few extra pounds may be lurking ever-near.  Or a day of freedom may taste all the sweeter thanks to the pain of the past.

If I learned something from "The Hunger Games" it was to be thankful for what I have and where I am right now.  To walk each day in obedience with the Lord, as though it could be my last.  To know that there is a greater purpose than what I can see with my earthly eyes.

I grow more and more thankful every day for my weaknesses.  He chose the weak things of the world to shame the wise.  Only He could understand that concept properly and be so patient in teaching me.  And He can even use a book like "The Hunger Games" to help me see it more clearly.

Accept the One Whose Faith is Weak

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Cor. 10:31

We just had a really encouraging weekend together as a family and with various friends.  The other night I was engaged in a conversation with two dear friends of mine.  We were together for dessert/coffee and games with our families.  (I brought my own delicious, warm chocolate mint bar!  Mmmm...)

While in the kitchen, the conversation among the ladies turned to nutrition.  These are women I deeply respect, as I know they have (and still do) research the best possible foods to feed their families.

You know, though...there are a lot of debates about what good nutrition should look like.  I wouldn't say we were debating, or even disagreeing, but there were some things that made me think, "I believe that is true, but not for me."

Which begs the question:

Is it okay for one person to eat a certain food while another abstains, even if there may be nutritional benefits that that food?

Of course it is!  Thank goodness the Bible even addresses this matter specifically in Romans 14:1-6.

 ¹ Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. ² One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. ³ The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. ⁴ Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.  ⁵ One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. ⁶ Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.

Seeing my addiction to food as a weakness is good and right and helpful.  I always read these verses and thought, "Well, I wouldn't want to have weak faith!"  But--God desires to keep me weak so that he can be strong.  It's okay if we're sitting around the table with friends and I am honest with myself, God and others and say, "I will only be having the vegetables tonight."  Why?  BECAUSE I AM WEAK in this area.  And God accepts me, and He will be the one who will ultimately judge me.  I abstain from my weaknesses before HIM.  And I give thanks to HIM that He stands in my weakness and is my strength.


I am learning the foods I will need to avoid for the rest of my life.  There was a time when this notion would have made me so sad.  Not anymore.  Good-bye.  I am a better person in every way without those foods.  And God is sweeter this way.


I will either stand or fall before my Master...and I WILL STAND, because the Lord is able to make me stand.  GLORY!!!!

You Can't Squash My Love for Thai!

What I used to eat--or something like it.

One of my favorite types of food is Thai food.  I love me a delicious, creamy Red Curry dish!

At first, Asian food seems so healthy for you.  I mean, the Chinese call their menu items things like "Chicken & Broccoli," right?  That seems very lean and green, until  you realize it is piled on top enough white (or fried) rice to feed an entire family for a week...oh, and covered in a sauce that is loaded with both sodium and sugar--two of America's most favorite ingredients!  Oh, and did I mention it was all prepared in a vat of oil?  Hmmm...not so healthy.

So, I've been experimenting with how to get the flavors of Thai food without the sodium content or the coconut milk.  Tonight I had a HUGE success!!!

I would love to be a spice expert.  I think it's so cool when that guy at Central Market grabs a bunch of spices, knows exactly how to pair them, and whips up some amazing combination seasoning.  He knows what goes best with chicken, beef or fish and how much to use.  (Cue: sound of angles singing in Heaven!)

So, here's the spice mix for a good Thai substitute.  No measurements, because it all gets mixed together and then you can portion it out per meal.  (Sorry--that's just the way I role!)

Thai Spice Mixture:
Curry Powder
Ginger
Nutmeg
Chili Powder
Garlic Powder
Cinnamon

Okay, what did I make?  I'm glad you asked.

I took an acorn squash and cut it in half. (One tip: microwave it for about 3-4 minutes first, and then the skin will get soft, making it easier to cut!)  I tossed the seeds and center into the trash and rubbed the seasoning mix all over the inside of both halves of squash.  I then put both halves face down in about a quarter to half inch of water and added just a little of the seasoning to the water as well. I roasted it for 30-40 minutes at 400 degrees.  Checking occasionally to make sure there was still water in the bottom of the pan, adding more if necessary.

When it was done, I carefully scooped the insides out of the skin and into a bowl, watching not to get any skin into the leftover water in the bottom of the pan, because I added that water back into the squash and mashed it until it was smooth.

Mashed Acorn Squash--no milk or sugars required!

In the meantime, I was cooking tenderloin tips on the stove with red peppers, mushrooms, and broccoli.  (With some Red Chili Pepper Flakes, of course...because I like some heat!)

I put the mashed squash in a nice little mountain in the middle of the plate and then topped it with the meat and veggies.

Okay, it wasn't the Red Curry dish from Sukothai, but it satisfied my love for Asian seasonings.  And proved once again that I don't need dairy or sugar or lots of salt to make food that tastes AMAZING!!!!

Total Health Package

This month has been about stepping up to the total health package!

Men, this is where you might want to check out.  If the word mammogram freaks you out--then consider this your warning!

I had my annual OBGYN, at which time I scheduled my annual mammogram and requested (yes, actually ASKED for it!) my first colonoscopy.

I would like to schedule an appointment with a dermatologist too.  I think my body should be examined for any potentially dangerous moles.  After all, I've worshiped the sun for most of my life.

It's not enough to just change my eating.  That doesn't solely bring about optimal health.  And, remember, optimal health is my goal.

When my mother was a young woman, still in her 40's--funny how that's now young to me--she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  In those days, that was nearly a death sentence.  But, thanks to experimental treatment, my mom is now going to celebrate her 74th birthday on February 7th.

My father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2000.  It was a very rare and horrible type of thyroid cancer.  So rare, in fact, that the doctors here in Lancaster referred him to specialists at Johns Hopkins.  They gave my dad 6 weeks to 6 months to live--if he was "lucky."  He lived 5 more years.  He passed away on June 25, 2005, from brain cancer.

This year, my brother, who turned 51 in August, was diagnosed with colon cancer.  He is still going through treatment right now.

Cancer lurks ever closer to me.  It's close to my age.  It's in my same generation now.

It's not enough to lose weight.  I need to take charge of my health.  And that's why I decided that it is critical to start with early cancer detection.

Am I excited about being smooched and probed and examined?  Nope.

But is it worth it?  As my friend Melody would say, "Heck to the YES!"

What's that?  You know you need to schedule those same appointments for yourself?  Don't wait!  Take a stand for your health today.  And don't fear what might be found.  Trust God for what comes next.

Perspective on Weight

After posting that picture yesterday from the wedding I was reminded how traumatic it was for me to find that outfit--something I felt comfortable wearing at my weight.  The wedding was very "fancy" and...well...I just don't really do fancy.  Mostly because I haven't been able to comfortably and successfully do fancy.  I have felt HUGE going into stores and trying to find the right thing.

Going to try on clothing was something that had to be premeditated.  I couldn't just walk into a store and decide I wanted to try on some clothing.  No, my hair had to be fixed nicely and I had to be wearing make-up.  And even then, it had to be an "I feel okay" kind of day.  Otherwise, I would hate everything I tried on and would leave the store utterly hating my body.  Ultimately hating my body meant hating me, because I had let this happen to me.  And sometimes it would even go so far as being angry with God for not helping me look differently. (Oh my!  He had MUCH bigger plans for me!)

I don't remember the exact number I weighed at that wedding three years ago.  I just know that I felt fat and uncomfortable.  I do remember what I weighed at the start of EVERY weight loss attempt I've ever tried and how I couldn't get over "THAT" number.

Today, I am THRILLED with where I am in my weight.(Not content to stay here, but so happy at where I've already come!!!)  And I'm still much heavier than I was at that wedding, I'm sure of it. 

So, my weight is all in my perspective.  When the numbers are going up it can feel like my weight is WHO I am, and I don't like it.  But when the numbers are going down, I can feel great about weighing the same amount I did when I hated myself a year ago.  Now, THAT is crazy thinking.

We are so much more than a number.  Whether that number is on a scale or on a tag in our clothing. Our weight and our clothing size can be an indicator of a problem, but the correct response is not to focus on the number to our own detriment.  It is right and true to remind ourselves, as the quote I posted yesterday said so well, that the scale cannot measure our worth as a woman (or man).

I am thrilled that my numbers should all be going down from here on out.  But I am far more thrilled that I am learning life principles that will change me FOREVER.

At the end of the day, I am more than a number...

I am the mother of two beautiful children, who adore me and need me in their lives.  God chose me to be their mother.  It is my calling.

I am the wife of an amazing, kind and gentle man.  God chose me to be his wife.  It is my calling.

And, most importantly, I am the child of the Most High God.  He chose me to be his child.  I'm called to lay down my life for Him.

Oh...and, on a lighter note, I am also the mama of two very scrappy, crazy black cats--Max & Brody.  They are a total mess in every way, but we love them!

I've been told I never post about the kitties--so, here they are.  

We got them a year ago in November.  The kids traded their pacifiers as "payment" for these two little brothers who were at the local humane league.  That was a HUGE sacrifice on their part.  They were pacifier-addicts.  (Look how little both the kittens and the kids were in the above picture!  So cute!!!)

And here's how I will tie Max & Brody into my blog on health.  We spend TOO much money to feed our cats the very best food available.  They are the perfect healthy weight for two big boys and they have shiny silk-black coats and bright, happy eyes.  

I've treated those cats nutritionally better than I had treated myself. I think we're all eating healthy now.  

Wait until you see how silky my coat is going to look soon.  Oh, and how bright and happy my eyes will be!!!  ha ha!

Worth as a Woman

"The scale can measure the weight of my body but never my worth as a woman."

-Lysa TerKeurst  

 

Wednesday Weigh In : Week #6

At a wedding with some friends in December 2008--that's the outfit!

Dan's sniffer was correct!  He smelled me losing 5 more pounds this week, making my grand total -29 pounds since December 5.  WOW!  Amazing!!!  More than makes up for the one pound gain last week, wouldn't you say?

If you had asked me if I ever thought this was possible the answer would have been, NO!
But it is working!!!  It is!!!

If you had asked me if I would love TSFL as much as I do, the answer would have been, NO!
I love it SOOO much!  LOVE it!

As I type this, I realize that I am sitting here with my legs crossed.  I'm not even down to the weight I was when I ended PPA at the Y, but I was NEVER able to cross my legs.  My thighs got in the way.

Dan's Christmas party was on December 3.  I was ready to wear an outfit I wore to a wedding in 2008.  I thought, "I haven't gained that much weight.  I can totally get into that!"  Nope.  The pants were way too tight.  The jacket wouldn't even come close to buttoning.  I was distraught that night, feeling like I had nothing to wear and being embarrassed for my husband that I was going to be on his arm at the party!  YUCK!  Rough moment.

Last night, I decided to try on that outfit.  It fit PERFECTLY!  In fact, I felt like the pants were loose and flowy in the legs.  I looked at Dan and said, "I will probably never wear this outfit again."  (As there is no occasion to get THAT dressed up in the next month or two!)

These are exciting moments!

Let the Ripple Effect Begin

When people see great things happening in your life, it's only natural they want to be part of it.  This week a dear friend will join the Take Shape for Life journey with me!!!  I am excited to have someone else in my social sphere who will be able to identify with this experience.

I know as I continue on this journey, others will be curious and want to know "How did this happen?!"  I will be eager to share.  If friends hadn't shared it with me, where would I be?

I got my third order today!  I am so excited about some new foods (and some favorite foods that I ran out of!) that I can hardly wait for my next meal.  Now THAT'S a great food plan!!!

By the way...does anyone else loathe the word "diet" as much as I do?  Can't stand that word.  When people ask me how I'm doing on my "diet" I just want to ask them how they're doing with their "vocabulary."  I know...that's mean.  But, I guess I think of a diet as something we go on and then we go off.  That we "fail at" or "succeed with."  I'm not into doing any of that anymore.  I'm into changing my life.  You can keep your diet.  I need a lifestyle.

What Is That Smell?!

Kate, holding her nose at the stinky Pig Chase.  

Hopefully, this is not how bad burning fat smells!

My family has noticed a smell.  It's me.  And, they don't really like it.

Yes, I have showered!  And I've used deoderant!  (Don't be funny!!!)

It's more of an essence than an odor, I guess.  It's like when my husband comes home from work and I instantly know he had onions on his sandwich at lunch.  It's not his breath.  It's a total essence of onion being given off from his every pore.  I think it's kind of the same thing.  Only not onions.

It's the smell of fat being used for fuel.  I have researched it a bit and found it is a fairly common experience for people who are in fat burning mode.

So, Dan and I are sitting alone last night watching our favorite TV show (Once Upon a Time, of course!) and he suddenly, out of the blue, says, "I have good news and bad new about tonight."  Uh-oh.  I sensed a serious conversation coming...

"The good news is, your losing weight again.  The bad news is, I know because I can smell it!"

He was right.  I was down several pounds this morning. (He likes being right about things like this!)

Isn't it crazy that my husband can smell me losing weight?  I kind of like it!

Sorry if the rest of you can smell it too.  I happen to think it's worth it, don't you?

I'm Going To Fly

In September 2010, I wrote a journal entry entitled, Lessons from a Butterfly. I wanted to share it with all of you, because I couldn't have imagined how hard the process of dying would be or the peace that comes from being nestled in the safety of a cocoon.  My anticipation for flying has never been greater.  I know now that it will happen--and soon.  The caterpillar is becoming a butterfly.  And this total transformation is nothing short of a miracle from God.

Lessons from a Butterfly
By Julie Garner
September 8, 2010

For the past few weeks we have been watching a caterpillar transform into a butterfly.

The kids and I would watch the yellowish-green, white and black striped caterpillar crawl around on his milkweed leaf; nibble away at the very foundation for his many tiny, little legs; and sometimes do nothing at all. We were fascinated by his every move, which was a bit ridiculous since basically he just ate, slept and pooped...and we had to feed him and clean his residency (a small peanut butter jar with holes). We named him Juan because, as the colder weather approaches, he will migrate to Mexico. We wanted him to feel a sense of belonging when he arrived.

We were elated when we discovered that, along with Juan's milkweed supply, we also inherited a teeny-tiny baby caterpillar. We named him Miguel. Miguel started out smaller than the width of my pinky nail. He was so small, I'm not even sure how we saw him in the first place. But it only took about 10 days for Miguel to grow into a full-sized caterpillar. By the time he had, Juan was already tucked safely into his cocoon--a process we missed seeing with our "first born" caterpillar.

On Tuesday morning, as we came down stairs for our breakfast, an amazing act of God was occurring right before our eyes. Miguel--our baby--was turning into his cocoon. We knew the time was approaching, because the night before he had gone to the top of the jar and hung upside down in a J-formation. His body dangled downward, while his face pointed upward.

As he went into his cocoon, he shook and shed his skin. The skin moved in an upward position and was--as if by "magic"--transformed into the chrysalis. When the skin reached the top, Miguel thrashed his body--now completely enveloped in the cocoon--back and forth, circling around so that his skin would become the very thing that created an anchor for him to hold securely to the top of the jar. And then everything went calm. No more movement. And, at that moment, I knew that Miguel was gone. Did you know the caterpillar actually dies? I didn't know that, until we began our butterfly lessons. He dies. There are only cells that live to create that pretty butterfly. We will not see Miguel again.

I found the whole experience to be both amazing and disturbing. I watched this creature that I had taken care of from birth just willingly pass before my eyes. He knew that better things were ahead of him, that he would soon reach his full (his best) potential. He worked hard for his death. He approached it with eagerness. And to think...he started his death in the shape of a J (for Jesus?), making sure that his face pointed upward. God's creations really were created to give Him glory...weren't they?

This morning, we were greeted with a beautiful Monarch Butterfly, opening and closing his intricate wings. While Miguel had just begun his transformation, Juan's was finally complete. He was BEAUTIFUL! I nearly got tears in my eyes when I saw him. And then I had to explain to a little boy that we couldn't keep him or he would die. He had to be set free. God had a plan for him, and it didn't include living in our home. He couldn't. God's plan for Juan was perfect and determined long before Juan was ever even a caterpillar. There was no other choice for Juan. He needed to be set free. So, all four Garners walked proudly out to our Crepe Myrtle bush and released our butterfly. I can't say he left willingly. It took some coaxing. And when he settled on a leaf, he clung to it--slowly opening and closing his gorgeous wings. He stayed there for hours. And then he was gone.

This butterfly experience was profound for me. I feel like I am living Juan and Miguel's story, in my own spiritual way. I can relate to the "good life" of sitting around, not being at my full potential, just eating, sleeping and...well...going to the bathroom. For me, life had somehow been boiled down to food. What would I eat next? When could I eat it? Could someone just put me on a pile of food, and leave me alone? And...unlike the monarch caterpillar who would rather starve than eat a leaf he doesn't like...I would eat anything that crossed my path. I doubled in size in a short amount of time. And I just kept eating.

But, when I confessed my sin and genuinely began to repent and seek God...I started hanging upside down in a J position as if to say "JESUS! Everything about this change starts by pointing my face toward you!" I can't imagine it's easy for a caterpillar to hang in the J position for 24 hours. I mean, in caterpillar-years, that's about 1/8 of their life spent in this position. All this to say, the J position is part of the process, and probably takes far longer than any of us would like it to take. But it is critical to remain low, while facing upward. No matter how long it takes.

And then there's the wretched process of shedding the skin...the putting off of the old self. The wiggling and writhing and contorting that occurs. It definitely appears to be a painful process. But it is a miracle, really. And nothing less. When you see it happening, it does appear to be "magic"; however, we know that there is nothing magical about it. It is purposeful--because God purposed it through Christ.

Then, the swirling and whirling that must occur in order to secure ourselves to the only "hook" (or anchor) that can hold us where we need to be. Do you know how small that caterpillar hook is? So small. But is is STRONG. It supports the weight of the entire process of metamorphosis that occurs. It withstands wind gusts and weather changes. It is small, but mighty. And it is critical. Without that hook, the entire process would end. If the cocoon isn't hanging, the butterfly will never hatch. The process is lost. My hook is Christ. The God who knit me and formed me, striped me down to nothing and then holds me secure. And I wait...

I die. And I wait. I die. But He lives. And I am transformed. The new self will look nothing like the old. But it will take 10 long days. Perhaps longer than the caterpillar ever lived. But it is peaceful. And change is happening.

Now the quick part occurs. It's literally like the blink of an eye. The butterfly emerges within minutes. It is a fast process. So fast, it is easy for others to miss.

The butterfly must be set free...and soon. The plans for him (or her) were already determined long before creation. The butterfly MUST fly. And only God knows how. And only God knows why. And only God could have done something so amazing and special.

I think I am now going safely into my cocoon. It has been a few years of hanging low while facing upward; then beginning the painful process of dying. But now I am beginning to sense the silence. I can feel the urgent need to hide away for a time, enveloped in the protection that only God could have created for me. I sense how still I will need to be for this change to occur. This phase could seem long...but change is happening.

It isn't easy to become a butterfly. But it also isn't hard. It means dying...then resting...and ultimately trusting. Trusting Christ for the final change to come.

And the change is coming.

I'M GOING TO FLY!

Follow Me On Pintrest

If you're on Pintrest (and are addicted to pinning a bunch of pictures/links of things you really love but will probably never have or do) than follow me!

I've been pinning Lean & Green meal ideas, as well as Medifast Recipes.  Many of the Lean & Green meals have to be tweaked to be on plan, but they are great for inspiration.  And, for those of you who aren't doing Take Shape for Life but just want to eat healthier, then there are a ton of ideas that are starting to pile up on my Lean & Green board.

Not using Pintrest?  Let me know and I can invite you!

First MediMemo

So, I want to think on more than just good nutrition and healthy choices.  I want my mind and my heart to be renewed and changed. 

I was with a new friend of mine this past week and she told me about MediMemo Retreats she used to attend.  At these retreats she would spend the entire weekend Meditating and Memorizing on the same scripture.  It is a habit that she took into her life with her, focusing  meditating and memorizing one passage of scripture at a time.  She said she can easily recall each verse she has ever done over the years.

So, today is the first day of my own MediMemo.  (hmm...kind of sounds nice with Medifast, huh?)  Here is the scripture, which aligns with what I am learning in the book "Loving God with All Your Mind."

Philippians 4:4-9;11-13;19-20 (ESV)


⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. ⁵ Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 ⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹ What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

¹¹ Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. ¹² I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. ¹³ I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 


¹⁹ And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. ²⁰our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. 

Farm Shows Aren't About Food

 

Today was Farm Show day!  You know what cracks me up?  You go to the farm show--the FARM show--and you would think that the food stands would be about things like freshly grown fruits and homegrown, garden vegetables, and whole milk, and grass fed beef...you get the picture.  Things that you would gain from living in rich farmland.  

But NO!  I am pretty sure they should call it the LARD Show instead.  Everything is fried.  Things that shouldn't even be fried are fried.  Fried butter?  I mean, when have we crossed the frying line?  Soon we're going to Fry Fried Food.  You know what I mean.  We'll make, say, mozzarella cubes...fry them...then dip them in batter and fry them again.  It's only a matter of time, People!

Typically, I would have gone on the eating tour of the fair.  Some past favorites would have been: potato donuts, cheeseburger, french fries, funnel cake, mozzarella cubes, and a big ol' milk shake.  Oh...and a Diet Coke.  Ha!  (It's actually grossing me out just to think about it.)  And, of course, I would have had to get the kiddos some cotton candy before we left.

Today I only purchased one of those items for myself: the Diet Coke.

I was super content with my Medifast bars.  They feel so safe to me now.  And I could almost tell the time by my tummy rumbles.  Is it 2:30ish?  Thought so, because I'm feeling hungry and it's time to eat.  That is such a great feeling!

We had fun today.  I think it was the best Farm Show experience I've had--and this is my fifth year going, I think.  Want to know one of the reasons?  I walked and walked and didn't mind it.  I raced up and down the stairs with my son--much to his complaints--because we needed exercise, so we weren't going to take the escalators.  I challenged Jude to a "fast walking" contest at one point and almost won!  I had ENERGY.  And I felt good.  

Again, I would have said that I was unable to feel good and have the stamina to enjoy movement because of my weight.  But, I think I lacked ability because of what I was eating.  Nutrition is really, really important.  And not just counting calories.  Putting the RIGHT foods into your body at the right times in the right portions.  I feel GREAT!!!

What the Scale Can't Measure

Picture taken in August 2011

It's weigh-in Wednesday.  Isn't everyone excited to know how the week has been?  I know I was.

Here it is!  +1

No, you don't have to rub your eyes or question if I made a typo.  I am, indeed, up a pound on the scale.  I am not surprised, considering I was curious how my week was shaping up and checked my weight on Saturday.  On Saturday I was up 3 or 4 pounds.  So, this is a huge improvement, right? 

This has forced me to consider the question, "How should I respond when the scale isn't showing the results I love?"

Thinking on that led me to the path of thinking on things that a scale can't measure.  Like my post about my joints not hurting anymore.  We don't step on the scale and see, "Congratulations, your inflamed joints are being healed."  It would be nice if the message was so loud and clear, but for results that don't show on the scale, it takes more careful attention to our bodies and our emotions and our minds.

For example:

The scale won't tell me...

• That I am comfortable in pants and shirts that were formerly too tight for me to either get on or been seen in public wearing.
• That my hair no longer has a greasy shine to it, even after I just washed it.
• That I am sleeping like a rock and feeling rested during the day.
• That I have more stamina and no longer require my mid-afternoon snooze to make it through the day.
• That my mind and heart are fixed on Christ more as I walk through my days.
• That wild horses couldn't drag me off my plan--no, not even vacation or holidays.
• That healthy, lean & green food tastes better than processed, sugary foods.
• That there are more than one reason to do this and all of them have their place: freedom from sin; optimal health; and vanity.  The scale appeals mainly to vanity, because look at all these other results!
• That I can be satisfied on so little food because of it's amazing quality and composition.
• That my cravings are all-but gone.

Let's see...I'm sure I could keep listing more and more.  And I will.  In the days ahead.

So you may be thinking, "Are you discouraged by your weigh-in?"

Not at all.  Our weights will constantly ebb and flow, even when we're doing exactly what we need to do.  That's all I'm responsible for--doing what I know is right.  And I've done that.  And THAT feels good!  And this perspective reveals a very huge heart-change, which also can't be measured on a scale.

Where Are My Aches and Pains?

At Longwood Gardens in September 2011

Many positive results cannot be measured on a scale.

Walking down the stairs today I realized, "Hey, my knees don't hurt!"  I've been noticing that many of my old aches and pains are disappearing.  I've had foot pain for years now and couldn't ever walk for a very long time in any shoes other than my sneakers or not only would my feet inflame, my knees and ankles would as well. 

Last September I went to Longwood Gardens for a day with a group of friends and had a blast.  But I paid for it for days to come.  My joints were so sore from the walking.

I always thought it was my weight.  I mean, I am seriously obese and have been like this for years.  If I were my feet, I'd be begging for mercy too! 

I'm thrilled that I've lost 25 pounds, but I'm still not back to the weight I was even a year ago.  So, those 25 pounds could not have made all the difference.  I HAD to find out why I am feeling so good all of a sudden.  Does diet really make such a huge impact on our bodies and the way they respond?

The answer is: YES!

Here is a link to an article entitle: Joint Pain & Arthritis: Quieting the Inflammatory Noise.

In the article, Dr. Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP, lists foods that she says are "hot" and can cause joint discomfort.  Um, these foods were part of my staple diet before Take Shape for Life!

I still have diet sodas.  And I do eat red meat, but ours meat is free of antibiotics and hormones.  If I had to take a guess though, I'd say that cutting sugars and white flours/processed grains has made ALL the difference!  I don't know, but I'm going to do a happy dance.  Because now I can!!!

Hot foods — avoid!
Fried foods Red meat from corn-fed animals raised with antibiotics and/or hormones Partially hydrogenated (trans) fats (found in margarine, chips, processed baked goods) Saturated fats (e.g., animal fats such as butter and lard) Corn oil, safflower oil, sunflower oil or soy-based oils Soft drinks, including both diet and regular soda and fruit juices All forms of sugar, including natural and refined White flour and other processed grains Most fast-food and prepackaged meals

What Am I Missing?

Remember the post about saying good-bye to my favorite foods (for the 100th time!)?

I took some time this weekend to think about what foods I'm really missing.

I thought.

And I thought.

And I thought.

Do I miss pizza?  Not really.  I miss the convenience of it, but if given the option of a pizza or a grilled chicken salad, I'd take the salad without any thought.

Do I miss Chinese food?  I mean, isn't there going to be Cheesy Crab Wontons in Heaven? And didn't I once say that I could eat Chinese food every day of the week?  Well, Dan wanted to stop and get some takeout the other night and asked if I would mind.  I didn't mind at all.  (Maybe it was the trip to the Asian Market that was fresh on my mind--blech!)

Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream?  I used to not be able to keep this in my freezer or I would eat all of it in one sitting.  Once, I was asked if I was deserted on an island what one food I would hope to have.  I said ice cream.  But now, do I miss it?  Nope.  Don't miss it.

Do you understand that I could not possibly have believed any of this when I started the program?  I had a literal "bucket list" of foods that I was certain I would grieve when I made this choice.  But I was wrong.  I don't even miss them.  I had a super unhealthy relationship with these foods and I needed to say good-bye. 

I think the makers of Medifast are brilliant!  I mean, honestly, I get to eat soft served mint chocolate "ice cream" and I enjoy a warm, gooey "brownie" every couple nights.  Then, there's the orange creme shake and the honey mustard "pretzels."  Yes, I know I'm putting things in quotes.  These aren't the same as eating the real-deal.  But they are really good! 

My palette has been transformed and it is AMAZING!

I love to cook.  And I love BIG flavors.  By having a cleaner palette, I'm able to enjoy the foods more the way God made them.  And, would you believe, God is totally into BIG flavors as well.  Some of the best flavors I've tasted in a long time are in the most REAL foods.  I had just been trained, like most Americans, to like artificial chemicals. 

Now THAT'S what I want to say good-bye to!  Good-bye, Chemicals!  Good-bye, forever.

Hey...I was reminded this morning that we never have fallen too many times, or too far into the darkness, that God's mercy isn't able to reach us.  We are loved beyond measure.  And I know that has nothing to do with my clean palette--wait, or does it?  I had fallen repeatedly and was in a VERY dark place when God carried me here to Take Shape for Life.  And this satisfaction and success is ALL His mercy to me.  I am so loved!!!

My First Reward

Today is my 7th wedding anniversary. I am definitely married to my very best friend. Last night his parents kept our children overnight so we could go out for dinner and to see a movie (we saw "Courageous"--fabulous!). I love that I could eat dinner out. I got a fantastic grilled chicken salad and was so satisfied when I was done. I loved laughing with Dan and talking about plans for the upcoming year.

I got up this morning and made a big batch of pancakes for breakfast. Enough that we would have leftovers for Sunday morning breakfast, which always needs to be quick before church. Thanks to the amazing Medifast foods, I was also able to have pancakes. When I make the Medifast pancakes, I've started making more than one packet at a time. I put the rest in the fridge and it makes for something quick, easy and tasty for another meal later.

After breakfast, guess what we did? Went to the mall where I got to pick out my first "Twenty-five Pounds GONE!" bead for my bracelet. See it? It's the awesome white one with the stripes. I think it's called Grey Wolf. But I call it "Blessing!"

While at the jewelry store, I also eyed up a few other beads I want for the future. So awesome!

We then headed to the Asian Market. Our first time. Ummm...unless I need something specific, it might have been my last time. Let's just leave it at that. Interesting experience. And much more laughter.

Then for a late lunch at Ruby Tuesday where I enjoyed a sirloin steak, three little shrimp and veggies. You really have to be specific when you go out to eat. With each thing we ordered we said, "And please don't use any butter on that." Finally the waitress said, "Do you have a butter allergy?" I wanted to say yes. Dan simply said, "It's for health reasons." I have to commend our waitress though. We had ordered the spaghetti squash and she came back to us to tell us that it is already roasted ahead of time--in butter. That was nice of her. I can't overemphasize the importance of being insistant about your needs. Most resturants will cater to them.

Then we picked up our beautiful children and had a fun evening together.

I don't usually talk much about food and eating on here, but I wanted to mention all the eating out because I am SO thankful that I am able to go out and live a normal life while doing Take Shape for Life. Here's the thing though--my tastes have changed. I am VERY happy eating my lean and green food. AND...I am MOST happy when I get to prepare it myself. Both Dan & I agreed that we used to LOVE restaurant food. We ate out several nights a week. But now, we would much rather eat our own food. At a restaurant the food is over seasoned and salted. And often the quality isn't as good as we have been using. Plus, it costs so much more money! So, eating at home is honestly a win/win. But it sure is fun to be able to go out on occassion. The best part of the meals I had this weekend? The company. I am so blessed by my husband!

Think on What is True about the Future

I'm a worrier.  I blame my mother for this. (It's true, Mom!  And you understand why.)  She is a self-proclaimed worrier.

I used to lay in bed for hours and "think."  That's what I would call it.  "Thinking."  But it was really worrying.  Fretting.  Fearing.

• What if my house burns down in the middle of the night?  Do my children know how to escape?  Do I know how to escape?
• What if God takes my children from me? Or my husband from me?
• Why isn't my friend talking to me?  I wonder how it will go when I see her/him tomorrow for the first time since the silence.
• When will I receive my cancer diagnosis?  Will I be afraid of dying?  
• What if I'm in a car accident?  What if Dan is in an accident?

I mean, you get the idea, right?  And those are just the big things.  I get frantic about details as well.

• Did I put everything on my list that I could possibly need for vacation?  Did I forget anything?
• What if I am asked to coordinate that event?  How could I do that with the most efficiency and excellence?

It really requires a lot of mental exercise to juggle so much concern.  And I didn't even mention some of my bigger concerns over the last few years.  You might have felt some of them as well...

• What if I just keep gaining weight?  Is this how I will die?
• What if I try to lose weight again and just can't?  Will I just fall into the pit of despair?
• What if everyone around me loses weight and I just keep getting bigger?  What if I can't walk up the stairs anymore?  What if I can't sit on that chair?  What if I can't fit through that space?  What if I get there and I can't do all that walking?  What if...

Last night I was reminded of a powerful truth through Elizabeth George's book, "Loving God with All Your Mind."  I can't say it as well as she did, so I will simply quote her:

Oh, dear friend, whatever your 'what if' is, you must remember that 'what if' is only a guess.  If you want to overcome your fears, you cannot think 'what if' thoughts.  Instead, in obedience to Philippians 4:8, you and I must acknowledge that events in the future are not real.  We must eliminate this kind of speculative thinking because thoughts about the future are only guesses.'

Furthermore, the future is in God's hands--His loving, capable, merciful, powerful hands!  He can enable us to deal with what is real, with what is now.  And, the truth is, He will also be with us whatever the future holds.  Lo, He is 'with you always, even to the end of the age' (Matthew 28:20)!  Yes, we need to be prepared for things like earthquakes.  And yes, we need to be wise about our finances, our parenting, and our health.  But we don't need to waste energy worrying about what is not yet real, about things that may never come to pass.'

God  calls us to handle each day, one at a time.  TODAY is real, and, beloved, God will enable us to deal with what today holds.  THAT is what's true."

Living Proof

Today, I received an email from a dear friend.  Included in the message was this video and these words, "I know this is completely sappy but this song reminded me of your journey."

After listening to it, I couldn't agree more on so many different levels.

I cried and cried when I watched it.  I don't know if I was crying more from thinking about all God had done in my life or from watching clips from the movie "The Help," which is definitely one of the best movies I've seen in a very long time.  Either way--I cried.  Which, in and of itself is quite amazing.  I've stifled and shoved back tears for a long time.  I've loathed my sensitivity at times.


Just this week I found a document I wrote entitled, "What Are You Afraid Of?"  In it, I detailed the worry and fears of my life.  These lines stood out, particularly, as they were the grand finale of my thoughts.


So, what am I afraid of?  
That if I cry, I might never stop crying.  
But if I don't cry, I will continue to let anger grow inside me. 

The End.  

And...so, I chose to not cry.  And anger did grow inside of me.  

I have been faced with many demons in my life--as Mary J. Blige says in this song: it has been a long, long journey; an up hill climb; a tough fight; and with lots of lonely nights.  Not just with my weight, but with my life and choices I have made and things that have happened to me--things that made me gain all of this weight in the first place.  But, I am living proof that the worst can be behind us and that we can FLY and be FREE!  Amen!!!!

It's Wednesday, which, as you know, means it is weigh-in day.  I have lost 7 pounds this past week, making my grand total in the first four weeks--ta da!--25 pounds! 

Who knew that could even be done?  I feel like I truly can do ANYTHING!  WOO HOO!!!!


The Living Proof*
 It's gonna be a long long journey  
It's gonna be an uphill climb  
It's gonna be a tough fight  
It's gonna be some lonely nights  
But I'm ready to carry on  

I'm so glad the worst is over I can start living now, ooh  
I feel like I can do anythin' and finally I'm not afraid to breathe  

Anything you say to me and everything you do  
You can't deny the Truth  (I added the "T")
Cause I'm the living proof  
So many don't survive  
They just don't make it through  
But look at me ooh I'm the living proof  

Oh yes I am thinkin' back life's been painful  
Yes it took a while to learn how to smile  
So now I'm gonna talk to my people oh  

About the storm oh about the storm  
Oh so glad the worst is over I can start flyin' now oh  
My best days are right in front of me  

And I'm almost there  
Cause now I am free

I know where I'm goin' hey  
Cause I know where I've been oh
I gotta few stars that showin' hey  
I'm gonna stay strong keep goin'  
That's the way that I will  

Nothing about my life's been easy  
But nothings gonna keep me down  
Cause I know a lot more today  
Than I knew yesterday  
So I am ready to carry on 

*Copied from MetroLyrics.com