Things Are Not the "Same"

Sometimes on our journey, there is a need to stop and rest!

I've been hesitant to talk much about my journey recently. I talk to Dan and I talk to Shirley, but I haven't talked much at all about things in a very public way. On one hand, I think I've needed this to be a little more introspective right now. On the other hand, I was thinking that sharing vulnerably about where I am might scare some people who really need HOPE. But that's wrong. I don't think where I am will scare anyone. I think it WILL being HOPE, because it is proof that what I've said all along really does stand true.

So, I know you're all wondering...how is my weight?! I haven't talked about it in months, right?

Well, it's the same. I haven't lost any weight in several months. Well...

I gain a few pounds, I lose a few pounds. So, technically, I've lost--but only the same pounds I gained.

'GASP' (I know)

"What's happening, Julie?! I thought you told me this plan works!"

This plan DOES work. And although my weight has stayed the same, things are not the same for me.

How am I processing this long pause?

I have hope. I have faith. I'm not afraid. Do I get frustrated about it at times? Yes. But that frustration doesn't undermine my faith. It's possible to wish that things were different while still accepting that this is where I am and that God has a plan for me.

The last time I weighed under 189 I was a young girl who was in a web of bad relationships. I was used by men, I was insecure, I had no direction for my life. It was over 20 years ago and I was lost in so many ways.

I am a woman now. A woman who is happily married to my best friend and the love of my life. I am strong and confident. I have succeeded at almost everything I have ever put my mind to doing. I am a lover of Jesus and secure in my relationship with Him.

But I have some things to work through.

I don't think God is going to let me cross 189 without doing some work. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where I KNOW it is NOT about a number, it is about changing my whole life and having health in EVERY area. This is where it becomes about going deeper with God and walking into territory I haven't wanted to walk before.

I have long ago forgiven the abusers of my past. I could see any one of them on the street today and greet them with a smile and even a hug. I have no bitterness or even pain. But I don't want to live it all over again. I gained weight so that men wouldn't look at me and find me attractive. I was very comfortable being overweight and "unattractive"...well, not really. Now, it takes courage to be the woman I have always wanted to be, without fear that somehow the past will bite me in my new present reality.

So, I am working hard over here. But here's what hard work looks like...

Trusting God.
Praying.
Listening.
Being quiet in my soul.
Having faith, because God has NEVER left me in the past, and he will not leave me now.
Faithfully continuing to do the my plan, despite the results at the moment...because faith looks like eating health and I do what God wants for me even if it doesn't yield what I want.
Helping tons of people that God puts in my path every single day, because my hope doesn't come from a program...it comes from a loving God. (Though, the program is an awesome tool!)
Confiding in my husband.
Loving my children.
Taking one day at a time.
Believing that I am being fearfully and wonderfully transformed into the image of God, which is far more beautiful and important than the image I see in the mirror.

He has NEVER let me go. He will see me through to my goals for health. I need to remain faithful.

So, do I stay on the plan even when the scale doesn't budge? You bet.

In fact, I put the scale away for a short time. That thing doesn't define me or rule over me. I am a child of God, and my Heavenly Father will not disappoint me.

I keep walking this journey--and try very, very hard not to miss the beauty that is all around me.

Things are not the same.