In the past I have always shared openly with anyone about my journey of eating/weight loss/struggles. If I was doing PPA at the Y, everyone knew about it. If I started Weight Watcher, everyone knew about it. When I started my own Biggest Loser Club I told the whole world, and many people followed me.
But when I shared my "next attempts" I always had to share my failures. All those attempts were met with what seemed to be an inability to lose weight. It made me very angry. I couldn't control the scale. I would work and work and work, step on the scale and...nothing. While other people around me were dropping pounds with ease. Well, that's at least how I perceived it.
The reality of not being able to make the numbers on the scale go down showed me that I am not the one in control of that scale. I can no more control my inability to lose weight than I can my ability to shed it.
One time, my dear friend Cynthia told me, "You do know, if God wanted to, He could just melt the pounds off of you." That was a cool picture. And I knew it was true. Which was one of the reasons I became so angry when I couldn't lose. "Lord! You could melt these pounds off of me!" And, because He didn't do that at my command, I was full of unbelief that He had good things in mind for me.
Finally, I had to sit down. I had to stop being angry and confess my unbelief to God. I had to repent and rest. And then God said, "Ask me, and I will carry you." And that is how I got here. When I stopped making excuses, stopped being angry...and started trusting.
I decided not to shout it out to the world when I started TSFL. I decided to hold it close and guard it with my life. Whether it was working or not. In quietness and confidence would be my strength.
Recently, I've started sharing my story with more people. It is typically met with warmth and an awe for God. I've had friends tell me that it is obvious my body is changing, but even more obvious that my heart is changing. Some have said I talk differently (in my words and in my tone) than I did before. That is the confidence of God--and the faith He has given me. Some say well-meaning things that come across much differently than they probably intend. When that happens, I have been much more quick to think charitably of others.
Last week, someone I respect very much said to me, "You need to slow down! You're losing weight way too fast. I'm concerned for you."
I appreciated her concern. But when I was alone I had to laugh to myself. "You need to slow down," I thought to myself. What does that mean?
Every day I wake up and, one step at a time, I follow the plan that is set before me. I don't go off the trail, even in a tiny way. This time, I do it God's way. After all, He's carrying me. I need only to rest and be quiet and trust--faithfully doing exactly what I'm called to do. I can no more control the scale now than I could last year at this time. God is melting the weight off me. And the only words that matter to me right now are His. And He says, "Be quiet and confident."
I am not in control of the scale. He is. And I can take a deep breath and trust Him.
Not by might, nor by power, but by His Spirit. Love you!
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