Reflections on Week 1

Well, I survived Week #1. I don't have any more headaches and I'm (generally) not hungry anymore.

I dropped 11 pounds.

I don't plan on picking them up again.

I said "no" to fun activities that didn't support my goal to get healthy. ("Would you like to come to our dessert party?!" "Um...yes...errr...I mean, NO!") Empowering, actually. Try it.

The first two days were "detox" for sure. But a funny thing happened when the "object of affection" was removed from the addict. It was like someone lifted a blanket off my head. I could see clearly for the first time in a REALLY long time. I was no longer enslaved to food and suddenly I could enjoy my life. I could worship God again in a sweet way. (No one can serve two masters) I could make good decisions for myself and my family.

Now...having said all of that...yesterday was the day when I felt the strongest temptations. I was craving things. Not hungry, just craving. What was I craving? Well, lots of things. I thought it was just because I ate my lean and green meal in the afternoon, which was a change. But, even this morning as I was pouring my kids Cocoa Pebbles (which I think are disgusting, even on a good day) I found myself wanting them. WHAT?! That is ridiculous!

Dan hugged me last night and said, "But you're not giving into your cravings, and that's different."

He's right. I don't even want to give into them. But they are there. And they are strong.

And that's why I'm writing this. So I don't forget what it's been like. Or the decisions I've made along the way. Or the way God has helped me.

Good-bye, 11 Pounds. Hello, Habits for Health! Let's keep moving in the right direction.

Week 2...Day 1...Here I come!!!

Saturday Mornings

Saturday mornings are almost always a big food deal in the Garner house. When we are here we make a big breakfast. It usually includes eggs and meat or fancy pancakes (and lots of them) or sweet rolls or biscuit. I was thinking last night how I will miss this. But then Dan reminded me that he would make me my pancakes this morning--such a sweet man! I could use my lean & green meal, but I don't want to start my day with that. It's such a great finale to my days right now.

Things are changing. Dan and I have spent more time together this week. We're turning off the TV and turning to reading or talking. It's so much more peaceful. I feel like I'm spending more time with my kids as well. My mind says, "Find something productive to do for the next two hours and then take a break with your next meal." It's better to say busy. And busy is so much better, in the end, than my old lazy ways. (Remember this, Julie!)

One thing has been difficult this week. My small group is planning a Christmas Party for this coming Wednesday night. It's a chocolate fondue party. Ugh! I'm honestly not worried about going since I will be with Dan and the hostess knows about my eating plan--they will help to guard me. However, this entire week has been group emails about what people are bringing to dip in chocolate. Every day, a few emails will come saying things like, "I'm bringing pound cake" or "Bananas and pineapple are amazing in chocolate." I told Dan last night, "You know, this is when I wish my addiction were to alcohol. I think people respect the recovering alcoholic more than the compulsive eater."

It's true. Even if there was going to be alcohol at a party, I think the hostess would whisper to the recovering alcoholic, "There will be alcohol, I just wanted you to be aware." And then I think the alcoholic would be omitted from the continual emails about who's bringing the Whip Cream Vodka and who's bringing the Peppermint Schnapps. (Yes, I purposely picked two drinks that included food-like elements, because they're delicious!)

But a wise woman told me this week--No one will understand you. Not even people who have been there ahead of you. Because they aren't YOU. No one knows what tempts you or triggers you or goes on inside your mind. No one--except the Lord. He is the only one you can go to when you want to be understood. He is the only one who fully know what you need and can give you that.

I am thankful for all the support I have, but I realize this time that I MUST guard this with my life. Giving myself this chance has got to be my top priority. Not that nothing else is important--because clearly, there are other priorities in my life. But this must be guarded and protected. And no one can do that but me, with God's help.

We were invited to a Leadership Dessert Celebration at our church on Sunday night. We had RSVP'd yes, but we told them this week we weren't planning on going. Flee temptation... You know, it feels really good to say "no." Who knew?

Day 4: In the Groove

I'm in the groove, baby! I am feeling great. I believe I can do this for a long time.

REWARD IDEA
I wanted to come up with a few goals. I'm going to dig out a wish list I made a few years ago that went in 10 pound incriments. However, Shirley thought I better spread out the incriments, as I will be losing 10 pounds fast than my poor husband could keep up with my "presents." So, I am going to ask Dan if I can add a Pandora bead for every 25 pounds I lose. Here's the bracelet he bought me this summer as a reminder that there are at least three people in this world who will always believe in me (Dan, Jude & Kate). Since then he bought me another bead called "Transformation," because he believed in God's transforming work in my life, even when I couldn't. (I LOVE THIS MAN!!!)

Wouldn't it be nice to look at my bracelet and remember every 25 pound milestone of this journey? I should have 6 new beads--maybe I could even squeeze out a 7th, since my goal is not perfectly divisible by 25.

Oh my gosh! What will it be like to reach that number that has seemed so unattainable?!

VISUALIZING THE FINAL RESULTS
I was with my friend Kelley a few weeks ago and we were talking about all of my professional dieting attempts. She asked me if I ever had been able to visualize myself at my goal weight. I thought it was a good question. I hadn't.

What will I look like with 160 pounds gone? I haven't seen that weight since I was 17 years old!

What will it be like to not look around a room for the chair I think can support my weight?

What will it be like to shop in a clothing store that doesn't contain the word "Plus"?

What will it be like to be able to get up off the couch without having to mentally gear up for it because it's such a strain on my knees?

This list could go on. But I am going to find out the answers to these questions, and when I do...I'll let you know.

Meal Plan for the Day:
Blueberry Oatmeal
Vanilla Shake
Cream of Broccoli Soup
Fruit & Nut Bar
Lean & Green: Pork Tenderloin, broccoli & salad
Mint Chocolate Soft Serve (BEST THING EVER!!!!!!)

Day 3, Part 2: My New Best Friend

Allow me to introduce you to my new best friend, the 24 oz. cup of water. (Listen, it's a better option than the potty, which I thought was going to be my new best friend yesterday.) 24 oz. goes with me everywhere now. A faithful companion. Though mine doesn't look identical to the one in this picture, it is pretty close. One of my favorite features is its handle. So convenient.

Anyway, I am one glass of water short of my 150 oz. I must drink. Yep, you heard me. 150 oz. That is just a crazy amount of water. But even in just three days I am finding it easier to drink it, and today I was actually thirsty for it. That's good news.

The day ended up being really great. The kids let me take a short nap and after that, I was good to go! I felt so much better today. No headaches. No hunger. I got more done today than I have in a long time. Laundry, cleaning, sending a letter to a far away friend, playing with my kids...it was virtually effortless.

This was the best day yet! Shirley thinks I probably have already moved into fat burning mode. That's very exciting.

Here's what I ate today:
Oatmeal Raisin Bar
Dutch Chocolate Shake
Pancakes
Dutch Chocolate Shake (hey, it was a chocolate kind of day!)
Lean & Green Stuffed Red Pepper (with turkey burger) and salad greens (DELICIOUS!)
Sugar Free Cherry Jell-o
Brownie (like I said, chocolate day!)

Everything was very yummy! I like that the pancake mix made me three pancakes. It felt like I was really getting a treat. I didn't add butter or anything to them, just ate them plain. But they were tasty.

This was a really terrific day!

Day 3, Part 1: Off to a Rough Start

Why?!!! I had a headache until I fell asleep last night. (Thank you, Tylenol PM) I was DEAD tired at 9:30, but I stayed up and watched the Biggest Loser (with my two pickles). I didn't need the PM in my Tylenol so much, but I was afraid that the headache would keep me awake, so...I fell into that "don't wake me up because I'll be in a fog" deep sleep by 11:30.

At 3:30 I got up to go to the bathroom. I had trouble going back to sleep. Then, let's just say, from 3:30-6am it was CRAZY what was happening in our home. Kids and cats would just not allow us to sleep. There was a 4:30am temper tantrum, which was preceded by an argument between siblings over who was going to get to sleep in Mommy & Daddy's bed (no one!) and a cat knocking down a light in our room. At 6:00 Dan got up for his shower. Finally, shortly thereafter, there was peace. But I had to be up by 7:00 for an appointment this morning.

So, I am starting this day on just about 5 hours of interrupted sleep. I fully expect two horrible children today. I still have a slight headache. And...

I've lost 5 pounds!

Rough start. But it's still another day to start. And another day to downsize. Don't mind me...

Day 2: Headaches and Hunger

So, today has been the day of the dull headache.

I was warned. Day #2, not as easy as Day #1.

I wasn't hungry until this evening. Now I suddenly feel like I could eat my arm off. However, I need my arm--and I still have my two pickles to eat. They will have to do.

On the upside, there's already a few things I've noticed. I'm eating more slowly. Mainly because I want to stretch my meal for as long as I can. Currently, my favorite thing to do is make a shake and then add chipped iced to it and eat it with a spoon. I can "milk a shake" (no pun intended) for at least a half hour this way. That counts for something.

I'm also opting to stay busy in between meals instead of just lounging. In staying busier, I am spending more time with my children. Today we cleaned the living room--TOGETHER. We all actually had fun. And last night Dan and I turned off the TV and talked. (Because what fun is watching two hours of TV without binging?) I also was in bed by 10:00 last night. WITH my husband. Big changes already.

Today, my little prophetic son touched my tummy and said, "Mommy, this is really working!" From your lips to God's ears, Son!

On the downside, I took the How Healthy Are You test today on Dr. Andersen's Habits for Health website. Oh. My. Gosh. My results came out "SICK"--the worst score you could receive. Here's what it said:

You probably already have significant medical conditions that are affecting your health, or are on the verge of becoming ill. But we can help change all that. Sickness is not a progressive and inevitable decay in quality and length of life, nor is it a condition that should be “fixed” simply by dialing up more medications. Those beliefs are for practitioners in the world of “sick care”, not health care. If you’re willing to take control of your health and learn new habits, we can get you out of this sick state, despite any underlying disease. By making a fundamental decision to become healthy you’ll fuel a whole new array of choices that can quickly improve your health, and you may soon be able to reduce or eliminate your medications and free yourself from their daily side effects—just by applying the Habits of Health to your life!

Okay, I'm going to go take some Tylenol! Make them PM! Zzzz....

Day 1: I Just May Need a Life Vest!

It's Day 1 at 6pm and I am surprised at how pleasant this day has been. I woke up this morning to immediate chaos with my children. But I had two things on my mind--get my starting weight and eat within the first hour.

When I stepped on the scale, I KNEW that today was the right day. Let's just say, I never want to see THAT number again.

My first meal was delicious. My second one was as well. "This is going great!" I thought.

Then the daunting reality of one thing...

"I have to drink this cup of water 7.5 times today to get my water consumption?!"

Let's just say it's 6:00 and I have consumed my glass of water 5 times. Um...I still have 2.5 refills to go. Note to self: "Start drinking earlier and just don't stop. Ever." Can't they just, like, hook me up to a water IV or something?

I am seriously thinking I am going to float away. Life vest, anyone?

Today's Menu, in order:
Banana Shake
Oatmeal Raisin Bar
Chicken & Rice Soup
Strawberry Shake
Lean & Green Taco Salad
2 Dill Pickle Spears
Brownie

Does that sound like a diet? Ummm...everything was DE-licious!

We All Have to Start Somewhere

What? Do you think I'm proud of these pictures? Ppppfff! No! But, of course I'm going to post them. Look, the only person who doesn't already know what I look like is...ME. It's true. This is what I look like. Yes, it is WAY worse than I thought. Yes, it makes me want to cringe. But it's the truth about my body. It's how it really looks. I didn't wear any baggy shirts or pants to try to hide (or make myself look better on my after pictures). FYI--I DON'T HAVE ANY BAGGY SHIRTS OR PANTS ANYMORE! I grew into those!!!

It's December 4, 2011. Tomorrow I will wake up and make a Medifast shake in my new Blender Express Plus. I will talk to my new friend Shirley at some point. (Hi, Shirley! Love you already!!!) I will likely hear from some other friends who know tomorrow is *Day One.* I'm ready!

How Many Lasts Can You Have?

I laughed this weekend.

"This is the last time I'll have this for...well, a long, long time."

"This is the last time for pizza. The last time for Chinese. The last time for Nachos. The last time for McDonald's. The last time for White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha."

Jude even said, as we pulled through McDonald's this morning for breakfast, "This is the last time we're doing this for awhile, huh?" (insert his snorty laugh)

'Sigh' How many times have I said this? How many "last" meals have I had and made an excuse to overeat and enjoy? How many times has *tomorrow* been the day when I start to get serious about my health?

I hope you're not looking for an answer, because I lost count after my fourth failed attempt at Weight Watchers, and you have no idea how many attempts of "something" came after that.

So, I laugh. But I also take a moment and think to myself, "Let's start a first--the first time I don't give up. The first time I don't lose hope. The first time I trust my body to do whatever it needs to do. The first time I let go. The first time I say--and mean--whatever you will for me, Lord, I will follow."

I Want To Be A Part of It!

On Saturday, we spent the day in old New York. Now, this is one of my favorite places to visit, and in the past we have covered one end of Manhattan to the other...all on foot. But my feet hurt these days from carrying so much weight. And my knee hurts. And my back. And my shoulders. And my head. And...has anyone seen a bench or something where I can sit down?

This year, my idea of the best day in NYC consisted of parking my too-large-backside into a somewhat comfortable coffee shop chair and sitting for hours with my husband. My husband thought we could have stayed home and done that. So, we walked. And, in the end, I'm very glad we did.

And what's cooler than sitting in a coffee shop? Having coffee at a cafe table in the middle of Times Square at night with some great friends and the best man in the whole world. Sure, the seat was rickety and I had to sit on the edge of it so I didn't feel like I was putting all my weight on that poor thing. Sure, I wish I didn't have to make room between my legs for my stomach. BUT...look on the bright side (Times Square is VERY bright, after all) I walked from Ellen's Star Dust Diner all the way down to Grand Central Terminal, stopping at Bryant Park, the public library and some other really neat places along the way. I held my husband's hand and I caught up with an old friend I don't see often. I met a new friend. And I shared memories with one of my best pals, Jeni.

We have to stop and count our blessings along the way. I forget to do that. Life is more than food--and it's also more than "not food." Life is the people around you and the experiences you share. And I have a really great life.