Week #36: 100 Eludes Me!

Last year at my family reunion.  Loving that chicken corn soup!!!

Okay, so I really want to lose 100 pounds.  AND...I really want to be under 200 pounds.  C'mon.  But this week I had to report a gain.  +1

No, I'm not off plan.  In fact, I went to my family reunion this past weekend and took my Medifast food with me.  Despite my love affair with the chicken corn soup that we have, I didn't eat any.  I didn't even look at the dessert table.  And, toward the end of the day, I took a few veggies off the veggie tray to tide me over until my lean and green meal.

Realize how amazing this plan is though.  I've been doing this for 36 weeks.  The only other week I reported a gain was Week #5.  I've only reported a ZERO loss twice.  That means for 32 of the 36 weeks, the scale has consistently been DOWN.  When have I EVER been able to say that?  Yeah, I lose weight every single week.

So, don't sweat the small stuff--the 1 pound gain--because this is a long journey in ONE direction.

Thankful to a friend of mine who loves garage saling and has REALLY good taste in clothing!  She hooked me up yesterday with bags and bags of beautiful clothes.  Many of the things were size SMALL or size 8.  She has faith I will get there.  In fact, she has more faith than I have in where I am.  She kept saying, "You can wear that now.  Try it on!"  And sure enough, the tiny item would fit--or be really close to fitting.  For someone who was squeezing into size 3X/24 clothing to be able to fit into a size Medium is AMAZING!

Week #35: You Are Faithful, Lord!

You are faithful, Lord!

I sang in the choir yesterday in church.  When I saw this song was on the list of songs to sing in the worship set, I thought to myself, "How in the world am I going to do this?!"  The song Never Once by Matt Redman really encapsulates my weight loss journey. (It's included at the end of this post.)

You have to understand that only weeks before I called Shirley Mast about Take Shape for Life I was sitting with a friend in tears telling her how alone I felt in my struggle.  I was yelling, I was cursing, I was really...REALLY...angry.  I was mad at the church, I was mad at my friends, I was mad at myself, I was mad (REALLY MAD) at God.  I don't exaggerate when I tell my story and say that I had a thought that my family would be better off without me.

Have you ever seen the movie The Village?   It's always crazy to me how God uses that kind of secular media to affect my life.  If you don't think that God can use the world to make His glory known--you're wrong.  God can.  God will.  God DOES.  That movie was like a metaphor to me of how sin misguides us.  The facade (the lie) of the "village" kept all of the people believing and acting in a way that, really, was so ridiculous when you knew what was outside of the village.  And it took a blind girl to reveal the truth.  But to do so, that blind girl had to endure a very terrifying journey.  In the end, the people chose to continue believing in the lie. 

Back in September of 2011 the Lord gave me a vision.  It was a picture of me.  I was like Ivy in the movie The Village.  A blind girl who was wondering through the woods...tripping, stumbling, becoming ensnared.  There were so many things to fear (all of them nothing but facades).  I had been wondering for a very long time in those dark, scary woods and I just wanted out.  I felt bruised and wounded.  I had been ensnared in thorns and entangled in vines.  I had tripped over roots and stumbled over rocks.  The journey through the forest represented my tireless efforts to overcome my battle with food and obesity.  But...as the picture pulled out to an aeriel I could see that the girl had been walking in circles.  Every path led back to the exact same place.  The blind girl sat down and cried.  She quit.  She would just die here in this place.

And then...a still small voice said, "If you ask me, I will carry you."

I knew, at that moment, the Lord wanted to carry me.  To delivery me.  But I had no idea what that looked like.  I still had months of anger ahead of me.  Still months of sitting in the middle of that forest in surrender.  And then...in a complete step of faith, I called Shirley...the day before Thanksgiving.

And on that day, I got up off the rock I was sitting on and crawled into the arms of God.

He was with me EVERY step of that journey that felt lost and damaging.  He never took His eyes off me.  He had plans for me.

This song captures that journey from the vantage point where I now stand.




"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Week #34

To my faithful blog followers, I hope you've taken the opportunity to go back and read some of my old entries while you've been waiting for me to update again--oh, a month or so later!  Life has been very busy, and as a result I've been learning a lot.  Funny how that happens.

I've been learning in the "that's not easy" moments.

Turns out, it's not easy to lose 95 pounds, have everyone stroke your ego and stay focused on the fact that you still have 65 more pounds to go.  And that's probably my biggest lesson right now, so that's where I'll focus this blog.

The conversation goes something like this:

Friend:
"JULIE!!!  Give me a hug, girlfriend!  I can't get over how you look.  Incredible!"

Me: (after being totally squished by friend's embrace)
"Thank you!" (smiling)

Friend:
"I can't get over it.  Just let me look at you.  You have to be close to your goal."

Me:
"No, actually I still have 65 pounds to lose."

Friend:
"Stop!  No you don't!  I can't believe that."

And so the conversation goes on and on.  And happens again moments later with another friend.

First, have we gotten so used to seeing overweight people that we now thing that obese looks healthy?  I'm still obese.  I still weigh over 200 pounds.  I am still 65 pounds away from my healthy BMI.

But I can buy into the hype.  I can buy into the fact that "Hey, I look really good.  I should feel good about what I've accomplished.  Maybe I shouldn't believe that I still have a long way to go."  After all, I have a level of contentment right now that I've never had before.  Contentment.  It breeds laziness, honestly, if it is misdirected.

And that's how I've been.  Lazy.  No, I haven't been wildly off plan, but I have been making exceptions I never would have made before.  You can see that in my numbers--even though a scale is not the only way to measure success.  This time, it's an accurate gauge.  I'm not "all in" right now with focusing on my own health.

That changes today.  I am entering the "No Exceptions Zone."

When optimal health is the goal, there is no room for making even small exceptions.  Praying that this is an area where I continue to grow.

Week #31: Life's A Beach!

This was me at the beach in 2009.  It was Kate's first trip to the beach.  I wasn't at my heaviest weight here.  Ugh!  This picture makes me sad.  I never knew I looked like that.  Our self-perceptions can't be trusted.  Not about our physical appearance, nor about our spiritual condition.  We are misguided.

But I digress...

This was me at the beach this year--2012.  I got home from my vacation on Sunday.  Today is Wednesday and, would you believe it?, I lost 3 pounds this week at the ocean!  That makes my grand total weight loss 90 pounds, officially!

It was a whole new experience going to the beach at this weight.  I didn't struggle through the sand.  I remember, one year when we were there it was very hot.  I think it was August.  And, between my obesity and the heat, I almost fainted coming back from the walk off the sand.  I had to sit down immediately and couldn't get up for awhile.  I was scared.  But...not so this year.  In fact, this year I RAN on the beach.

This year I actually got in the ocean.  Would you believe that's the first time since I was a teenager?  I always felt so unstable on my feet and fearful that if a wave knocked me down I would not be able to get back up.  But...not this year!  That's me out there in the water waving!  I had a BLAST!!!

Here is my family sitting on a blanket waiting for the 4th of July fireworks to begin.  This would have been another experience I couldn't have handled before.  I could sit on the floor, but I would have been afraid to get down there on that blanket on the sand and not be able to get up.  This year, however, I wore a SKIRT and enjoyed every moment of sitting here with the people I love.

I'm not going to lie.  This trip was hard for me.  We always got ice cream every night when we were at the beach.  And pizza!  And this year we were near Rehoboth Beach and they have GROTTO PIZZA!  I LOVE GROTTO!!!!  But, when you have a goal, you have to ask yourself if the choice your making moves you toward your goal or away from it.  Sooo...

This is my beautiful sister and I at Grotto Pizza.  That salad was amazing!  As was every other lean and green meal I had.  And no ice cream touched these lips.  And guess what?  We had a FANTASTIC time!  Turns out that food is not the key to an awesome time!

 

So, here we are.  Me, in my size Large Gap shirt and my cute little skirt.  And Dan at his goal weight.  I'm so excited about this picture!  But you know what I'm even more excited about?  Next year's picture!  Which I hope will be taken on the beach in the Bahamas when I am at my goal!!!!

I've come a long way...

Week 29: Trust God's Provision

Life's too short not to dance with my children!

I'm not posting much because I feel like not much new is happening--even though every week I'm having steady weight losses and getting smaller all the time!

Shirley told me when I started that I should keep track of my own weight losses as well because I would lose weight so quickly I was going to forget what I weigh.  I thought, "Forget what I weigh?  THAT'S not possible!  I am consumed with the number on the scale at times!"

But I'm not consumed with it anymore.  And it turns out, she knew what she was talking about. (Ha--who knew, Shirley?!)  Today I weighed myself and thought, "Oh, it's only a pound.  Darn!"  I was about to email Shirley and tell her it's going slow, but at least it's going.  But before I email her, I always go to my own weight loss chart and record my week.  WHAT!?  I was down 3 pounds--not 1 pound!  Ha ha!  Well, that is anything but slow.  Oops!  I just forgot.  I never thought that would happen to me.  I can tell you exactly what I weighed at every memorable moment in my life.  (Not anymore!)

Friends since college days!

Thing have been busy.  Our best friends Keith & Kristin left yesterday to live in the Bahamas.  There was so much emotion wrapped up in that for me.  Before, I would have said goodbye and I would have eaten everything in my kitchen.  But not yesterday.  Yesterday I allowed myself to feel something.  I cried.  Food would not heal my heartbreak--but tears felt really good.  As did laughter when my four-year-old told me, "It's okay Mama. Don't be sad.  We'll go see them in the Bahampas."  Oh, her faith is sweet!  And I believe, because of God's provision to us lately, we WILL go see them.

Ane is in the brown sweater, right in front!  So adorable!

Another provision is that our Spanish student, Ane, comes today.  I could turn my focus away from the Buntings leaving and focus on Ane coming.  Where there is a sadness, there is also a joy...if we're willing to see it.  God knew we would need Ane in our home this summer.  We didn't know that.  We were just doing a favor to help a friend.  But already our relationship with her via email and Facebook is so sweet, I can't wait to meet her today!  God's provision!

Last month I was awarded an honorable rank in the TSFL coaching network.  I achieved the promotion to "Executive Director"--only three months after my business started.  I'd like to say I worked really hard and made this happen.  Sure, there is some truth to that.  But the honest truth is, God brought every person into my path.  Friends and family just started reaching out to me for answers because they saw the hope I had finally found and they want that too.  God's provision--to me and to them.

So, this month, I had my work cut out for me.  TSFL doesn't just let you slide back comfortably as a coach and enjoy your promotion.  Oh no...you continue to reach out and help more people.  But I felt like I was "out of people."  But then a dear, sweet woman arrived at an Inspiring Health event last week.  She's a friend of a friend.  I had never met her in person.  But we immediately had a bond, and that night she started her TSFL journey with me as her coach.  With many hard circumstances in her life, she said to me, "I need a success story."  She was a miracle to me that night!  But that's not all.  Last night she came to an event Shirley was hosting.  She brings a friend.  Her friend says, "Be my coach, Julie!  Help me do this thing!"  Amazing!  I may be "running out of people" but there are SO many people I don't know that still need hope--and God is bringing them to me.  God provides.

Our official professional head shot of Dan & Julie Garner, Health Coaches

Because Dan and I are now executive directors, the home office needed a photograph of us.  But I didn't have a good picture of us at our current weight.  So, on a whim, I emailed my friend Joyous Derner who is a gifted photographer.  It was a long shot that she could do this for me in 24 hours notice.  Several hours later, we had our picture.  God provides.

Oh, and two weeks ago, I was interviewed by Dr. Wayne Anderson on a conference call that went out to all the health coaches and business leaders across America.  Could I have made that happen?  Nope.  But God provided that opportunity to me.

I don't ever want to forget who provides for me.  I don't ever want to get puffed up.  I want to lose weight and gain humility.  Grow my business and shrink my ego.


Well...that's what's been happening, in a nutshell.  I'm off to have a Peanut Butter Crunch Bar!

Week #26: Face the Fears

My nephew graduated from high school tonight.  I'm so crazy proud of him!

I was so thankful to be a smaller version of me tonight when I saw how miniature the folding chairs were at graduation.  I would have normally panicked at the sight of them, but not tonight.  No problem fitting on that chair without hanging onto the next one.

Not so for the guy sitting next to me though.  A bigger dude, he was practically sitting on my lap.  The thing is, there was an empty chair on the other side of him.  And this is where the story gets interesting...

First, I started gaining weight because something pretty terrible happened between me and boy.  This was over 20 years ago now.  But I kept gaining weight, in part, because I didn't want men hitting on me or being inappropriate with me.  I was very comfortable just being their best pal--though many times it made me sad that the men I really wanted to see me in a feminine way no longer did.  But I don't want to get side tracked here.  I just wanted to say that, even when the reality hit me that I am really losing weight, I confessed to my sweet husband that I was concerned about the thought of how men would treat me.

Worst nightmare about to come true.

Very friendly man sitting next to me at graduation.  Err...not just next to me, if you recall.  Practically on my lap.  Let me just say, despite my warnings about being married, loving my children, being at least 10 years older than this man...he continued to flirt with me and hit on me all night long.  He told me he was going to move closer and snuggle with me.  He even poked my ribs when I raised my arms to take a picture of my nephew.  My other nephew, Jon, was sitting next to me and served as my protector the best he could.  He was mad.  I was annoyed.

The greatest fear I had was now happening to me.  That men would find me attractive again and that I would have to face their inappropriateness. 

But I was okay. 

I stood confident in my marriage.  In the ONE (and only) man I am fully comfortable with in every possible way.  I did not allow this man to freak me out.  Nor did I allow any voice in my head to tell me, "See...you shouldn't keep going on this journey!"  Nope.

Creeps exist.  And I'm a woman now who is firm in the Gospel and firmly planted in a marriage.  I am no longer 17 years old and helpless. 

Tonight a fear was faced.  And I was just fine. (But that dude better hope my nephew never sees him again--or I don't think he'll be so kind the next time!)

Week #25: Vacation!

I was so thankful to be on vacation last week with my family.  It was the best vacation EVER and I attribute much of that to my nearly 80 pound weight loss.  Let's see...here's a little of what it looked like.

• Miniature Golfing--which included possibly my first-ever hole-in-one and a lot of laughing.
• Basketball--while losing the weight didn't help my game per se, but it did help me want to play in the first place.
• Bowling--oh yeah!  Feeling good.  And really happy that I could dance around with Jude when he got his first strike.
• Dance Party--just in our room.  Me and the kids.  Dancing and giggling and having so much fun!
• Water Park--that didn't just include me sunbathing.  Last water park experience I had (last summer at the beach) I thought, "I should go down the lazy river just holding onto the center of the tube and not laying across it."  It sounds like a great idea, but then I realized, I didn't fit into the center of the tube.  Unfortunately, I realized that a bit too late and was STUCK in the center of the tube.  Em-bar-rass-ing!!!  I didn't get stuck in ANYTHING this time.
• NYC--took the kids to NYC for the first time and loved walking around and going to all the fun kid-spots in the city.  Last time I was there was the day before I started TSFL and I just wanted to find a coffee shop and park it for the day.  Not this time!

There were other really fun highlights of the trip, but I think it is adequate to say, that losing the weight made this trip active and fun for everyone.  I truly am a better mom and wife at the lower weight.  Not that I love my kids and my husband any more now than I did (or that they feel differently about me...well...maybe) BUT, because now I can really LIVE my life with them in a way I couldn't before.  And, boy, is sure is fun!

Reflections o Week #23: A DRESS!!!

 My inspiration!  Without Audrey, I wouldn't be doing Take Shape for Life!

This will be quick.

I wore a dress for the first time in at least 15 years this week.  I didn't even wear a dress on my wedding day because of my weight!  And...I WORE A DRESS!!!!

I do have a picture of me and my friend Lisa at a party together--and I am in the dress.  I will post it soon!

Here it is!

Oh, the faithfulness of our Lord and Savior!  He is my rock and my salvation.  I never want to forget that this is ALL because of Him and that my goal isn't just to get healthy--it is optimal health for the glory of God!

Reflections on Week #22: Don't Despise...

Don't Despise the Process.

Say it with me.  "Don't despise the process."

What does it mean, you ask?

It means, that God is ALWAYS at work.  ALWAYS up to something bigger than what we can see.

I think about all the tears I have shed about my weight (especially my inability to lose it) over the years.  How painful was THAT?!  I think back to the 300 pound woman.  How hard everything was.  How sad it made me.  How much my body hurt.  My heart hurt.

I think back to all the weight loss attempts.  The crazy diets.  The extremes.  The excessive working out.

I think back to all the talking about it.  The praying about it.  The swearing about it (that one was for you, Sara Rankin!).

It was so difficult.

But look what God has done!!!  He had a bigger purpose.  It was to bring Him glory.  This is how He received the most glory--to cause me to walk through all of the other things and find no answers.  To leave me without any option but to say, "Lord, I can't go anywhere else.  Carry me where you want me to go!"

And He did carry me.  And now I'm helping other people to follow a specific path for their lives as well.  A path toward health for the glory of God!

How can I look back on all of those years and all of those failed attempts and all of that heartache and be anything but grateful?  It was part of a process God used to get me here.  I would be wrong to despise it.

We had another instance this week that was similar.  God used a very difficult situation to get us where He wanted us with schooling for our children next year.  It was another reminder to me that when I am faced with things that I would not desire, that I can trust God.  He is at work for a much greater purpose than that moment.  I can't despise the process.  I have to trust God and His sovereignty in my life.  Nothing happens to me apart from the divine hand of Love.  That's a huge lesson to learn.  And I'm thankful that God is teaching me this now.

This is so much greater than weight loss!  I love that.

Can't Eat Away Pain

This has been a hard weekend for me. I am away without Dan with extended family and I think even of all were great I would just want to eat. But we left at 4am yesterday and my schedule was out of whack and I felt like
Death from lack of sleep. To top that, I injured my back and it hurts to even breathe. I feel terrible. And I just want to eat. It's the first time I really just wanted to eat anything, and go fully off plan. But I didn't. Because food doesn't take away pain. It doesn't make family dynamics different. It doesn't cure our fatigue. Food is not the answer, even when sometimes it tries to tell us it is. Lies.