Week #26: Face the Fears

My nephew graduated from high school tonight.  I'm so crazy proud of him!

I was so thankful to be a smaller version of me tonight when I saw how miniature the folding chairs were at graduation.  I would have normally panicked at the sight of them, but not tonight.  No problem fitting on that chair without hanging onto the next one.

Not so for the guy sitting next to me though.  A bigger dude, he was practically sitting on my lap.  The thing is, there was an empty chair on the other side of him.  And this is where the story gets interesting...

First, I started gaining weight because something pretty terrible happened between me and boy.  This was over 20 years ago now.  But I kept gaining weight, in part, because I didn't want men hitting on me or being inappropriate with me.  I was very comfortable just being their best pal--though many times it made me sad that the men I really wanted to see me in a feminine way no longer did.  But I don't want to get side tracked here.  I just wanted to say that, even when the reality hit me that I am really losing weight, I confessed to my sweet husband that I was concerned about the thought of how men would treat me.

Worst nightmare about to come true.

Very friendly man sitting next to me at graduation.  Err...not just next to me, if you recall.  Practically on my lap.  Let me just say, despite my warnings about being married, loving my children, being at least 10 years older than this man...he continued to flirt with me and hit on me all night long.  He told me he was going to move closer and snuggle with me.  He even poked my ribs when I raised my arms to take a picture of my nephew.  My other nephew, Jon, was sitting next to me and served as my protector the best he could.  He was mad.  I was annoyed.

The greatest fear I had was now happening to me.  That men would find me attractive again and that I would have to face their inappropriateness. 

But I was okay. 

I stood confident in my marriage.  In the ONE (and only) man I am fully comfortable with in every possible way.  I did not allow this man to freak me out.  Nor did I allow any voice in my head to tell me, "See...you shouldn't keep going on this journey!"  Nope.

Creeps exist.  And I'm a woman now who is firm in the Gospel and firmly planted in a marriage.  I am no longer 17 years old and helpless. 

Tonight a fear was faced.  And I was just fine. (But that dude better hope my nephew never sees him again--or I don't think he'll be so kind the next time!)