Week #35: You Are Faithful, Lord!

You are faithful, Lord!

I sang in the choir yesterday in church.  When I saw this song was on the list of songs to sing in the worship set, I thought to myself, "How in the world am I going to do this?!"  The song Never Once by Matt Redman really encapsulates my weight loss journey. (It's included at the end of this post.)

You have to understand that only weeks before I called Shirley Mast about Take Shape for Life I was sitting with a friend in tears telling her how alone I felt in my struggle.  I was yelling, I was cursing, I was really...REALLY...angry.  I was mad at the church, I was mad at my friends, I was mad at myself, I was mad (REALLY MAD) at God.  I don't exaggerate when I tell my story and say that I had a thought that my family would be better off without me.

Have you ever seen the movie The Village?   It's always crazy to me how God uses that kind of secular media to affect my life.  If you don't think that God can use the world to make His glory known--you're wrong.  God can.  God will.  God DOES.  That movie was like a metaphor to me of how sin misguides us.  The facade (the lie) of the "village" kept all of the people believing and acting in a way that, really, was so ridiculous when you knew what was outside of the village.  And it took a blind girl to reveal the truth.  But to do so, that blind girl had to endure a very terrifying journey.  In the end, the people chose to continue believing in the lie. 

Back in September of 2011 the Lord gave me a vision.  It was a picture of me.  I was like Ivy in the movie The Village.  A blind girl who was wondering through the woods...tripping, stumbling, becoming ensnared.  There were so many things to fear (all of them nothing but facades).  I had been wondering for a very long time in those dark, scary woods and I just wanted out.  I felt bruised and wounded.  I had been ensnared in thorns and entangled in vines.  I had tripped over roots and stumbled over rocks.  The journey through the forest represented my tireless efforts to overcome my battle with food and obesity.  But...as the picture pulled out to an aeriel I could see that the girl had been walking in circles.  Every path led back to the exact same place.  The blind girl sat down and cried.  She quit.  She would just die here in this place.

And then...a still small voice said, "If you ask me, I will carry you."

I knew, at that moment, the Lord wanted to carry me.  To delivery me.  But I had no idea what that looked like.  I still had months of anger ahead of me.  Still months of sitting in the middle of that forest in surrender.  And then...in a complete step of faith, I called Shirley...the day before Thanksgiving.

And on that day, I got up off the rock I was sitting on and crawled into the arms of God.

He was with me EVERY step of that journey that felt lost and damaging.  He never took His eyes off me.  He had plans for me.

This song captures that journey from the vantage point where I now stand.




"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful