The Journey Is Continual: Give Thanks!

We will always find what we are looking for.  Grace is always there when we need it--if we're willing to keep our eyes open for it.  It is everywhere.  Even when we least expect it.

I've been to two parties this weekend.  It's shocking to me how much food is involved with our holidays celebrations.  Not surprising, but still shocking.  Our entire gatherings basically revolved around the food.

I am left thinking about how far I've come.  And, yet, how far I still have to go...

This will be the story of our lives, I think.  The journey is continual.  There are places of rest, but we still are not HOME until we've reached Heaven's gate.  We rest, and then we begin another leg of the journey.

I keep thinking about how the road to freedom begins with the path of denying ourselves.  Crazy how such a wide, beautiful road begins with what appears to be so dangerous to us.  But, if it were a pretty, well-groomed trail, it would not require such enormous faith to begin.

Today, I was reflecting on the Israelites.  I'm so thankful for their example to us--mostly of what NOT to do.  I was reading about how they were doubting God's faithfulness and plan for them.  They were hungry and weary and didn't believe in their journey anymore.  They were blaming Moses and Aaron for their "suffering."  They had forgotten the suffering of their past and what they were being delivered from.

"If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." Exodus 16:3

Let me ask you: 
Would you rather die a slave with a full belly?  
Or as a hungry man on the road to freedom?

Before you answer too quickly, spend some time pondering the life of a slave.  Owned by a cruel master, powerless, beaten down, in pain, longing to be taste even a moment of freedom.


I was a slave to food. 

I can assure you that this path of self-denial that leads to freedom is a way more merciful and beautiful place to dwell.

The awesome thing is, God provided for the grumpy, complaining, ungrateful Israelites--he provided them with bread from Heaven.  And they STILL complained.

God has provided me with a way of escape.  I can complain about being bored with it, or how it tastes, or how much better life was before--but if I do that, I am missing his miracle.  Bread from Heaven.  Enough for today.  I will NOT go hungry on this path--because He will provide.

No, I want to SEE Him.  I want to THANK Him.  I want to PRAISE Him.  I want to grow in contentment and grace.  And I never want to be a slave to anything but His righteousness.

So, when the cupcakes are passed right in front of my face--I will gladly say, "No thank you!"  Because this is the way to freedom and I want to be FREE!!!

I wrote in my journal two years ago: "I want to say that trusting God looks like 'eating healthy foods.'"  Now...I DO say that!

The Road to Freedom is Also the Path of Denial

We took our annual Christmas trip to New York City last Saturday.  It was a great day!  So different than last year when I didn't want to even think about walking all day.  This year, we covered a lot of ground and I could have kept on going.  I just love having energy again and being free of all the pain that comes with being obese.  This truly feels like the best gift anyone could have ever given me.

The Lord continues to reveal a lot to me. In the days and weeks ahead I will expound upon those lessons more.  But today I just wanted to take a moment and reflect on the gratefulness I have in my heart. 

In our society, the holidays give us a free pass on indulging and binging and be gluttonous.  I could never imagined how FREEING it feels to be counter cultural!  Before TSFL, I would have thought that not partaking in the food-fest would feel like deprivation and bondage.  But, in fact, just the opposite is true.  When the appetizers are being passed around at a party or someone is shoving cookies in my face, it is awesome to look those cookies right in the face and say, "No thank you!" 

This is from my journal in May 0f 2009--more than two years before I would begin to understand how denying myself is even possible, much less far more gratifying than indulgence. 

It's hard to listen to Jesus. He's always whispering to us, I think. If we're willing to listen. He saying, "Deny yourself...follow me." At least that's what he was saying to me.
It was 3:00 on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. I had just had a wonderful time of fellowship with an old friend. We shared lunch together and talked about years gone by. We laughed, we cried, we praised God...we ate. But I was not satisfied when I left her house. I knew from the moment I turned out of her driveway that McDonalds was calling my name. And to make the trip even more easy, the children were asleep before we even hit the main road.

As I drove down the busy highway I heard him urging me. "My way is the way of denial. You can do this." But the voice in my head was screaming at me, trying to drown out his quiet, but powerful voice. Without thought I reached for the left turn signal, almost as if controlled by an outside source. Like a small piece of metal being pulled by a strong magnet I turned into McDonald's. I might as well have said, "You think I'm going to listen to you, God? Forget it!" That's what my action communicated as I ordered my food.

The sad moment for me was realizing that the food only lasted me approximately three minutes. And then it was gone. I had sacrificed obedience to Jesus for three minutes of pleasure. I knew in that moment I was wrong...very wrong.

365

Today is day #365.

365 days of grace and growth and freedom and new life.

Tomorrow is day #1 of "get the job done."

Thankful to God for December 5, 2011, and that gift of faith He gave me to take the first step.  It was a banana shake and I talked to Barbara Weaver that morning on the phone.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  But it wasn't yesterday.  It was 365 days ago.

Thankful to God for December 5, 2012, and the new life that I've been given!  I am blessed.

LOOK WHAT MY GOD HAS DONE!!!!

A Reflection of Lessons from 2012

I have been a little silent on here lately, but it hasn't been for a lack of TONS of things happening and lots of lessons learned.

This blog post ought to make up for all the absent posts recently.  Snuggle in and get ready to read my reflections of lessons I've learned in 2012.  And these things only skim the surface.

My weight loss has been such a deeply personal experience for me that has spanned far more than the last year of success.  I’ve learned some things along the way that have been very encouraging to me and may help all of us face our “fears” and move forward with confidence.

1) We only have this moment.  Think of what is TRUE.  Often, when traveling on a long hard journey (regardless of the area of sin that is being addressed) we allow our minds to fret over the future.  We begin to materialize in our minds all the things that this journey will mean for us.  “I can’t give up cake forever.”  “What if I lose the weight and my husband still doesn’t find me attractive?”  “Why should I even start this journey?  All of my other starts have only led to failure.  This time won’t be any different.”  Etc…  (And boy, is that a HUGE “etc…”)  But the Lord has only given us this moment.  Philippians 4:8 reminds us: “whatever is true…think on such things.”  Speculations about the future are not true.  Fears about the future are not true.  God’s word is “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”  We get to see where are feet are—his word lights THAT for us.  That light allows us to not stumble on the rocks and the obstacles in our immediate path.  And through that comes a peace that we will be able to have a way of escape for what lies ahead that we cannot see.  A big part of my weight loss journey has been thinking on what is true.  That means what is true about my current reality, what is true about my past, and most importantly, what is true about God.  Knowing Truth (capital T) is crucial to success in winning the battle.

2) Run toward to prize, not away from the devourer.  Philippians 2:12-14 says, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  Yes, of course the ultimate prize is Christ, but hear on this earth there are things we can run toward that will inspire us to love Christ more and “throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that easily entangles us and run with perseverance…”  So often, in the past, I was running from my sin.  And there is, of course, a biblical principle in that.  But just running from sin misses something incredibly powerful.  We don’t have to run FROM, we need to run TO.  This is the picture the Lord gave me through the words of a very wise friend.  “Imagine you are in the woods and there is a pack of angry, hungry wolves chasing you.  Your heart is pounding and you have one thing on your mind—you have to escape!  But the harder you run, the more tired you get and the more doubt fills your mind.  You stumble and get back up, legs weak and arms bruised from the fall.  Now the wolves are even closer.  Finally, you fall over a large log in the path.  In that moment you realize, you’re not getting out of there alive.  You can’t possibly do it.  You are a victim of the devourers.  You lay down and accept your fate.  You will be eaten.  Now…imagine a different scenario.  Imagine instead that under the Golden Gate bridge there is a treasure box with your name on it.  And in that box is enough treasure to afford you the rest of your life without any worries.  It’s yours—for free.  The only thing is, you can only use your feet to get there.  In that scenario, you keep pressing forward, even if there are hard days.  You take a rest and you get back up.  You don’t stay down.  You aren’t being devoured.  You are no longer a victim.  You are moving with razor focus toward one goal—no matter how long it takes you to get there.”  That’s what it looks like to keep your eyes “fixed on Christ”—to run toward what He is calling you to do.  For me, that looks like running toward health.  Throwing off everything that hinders DOES mean eating a very particular way.  (I saw your comment to Richard, and I do understand what you were saying…but for me, on my journey, I disagree.  For me, Doritos do equal sin.  “Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful…” and Romans 14:2 says, “One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.”  We must follow God and know ourselves and our own personal weaknesses well.)

3) Throwing off means being FREE.  When we are thinking on what is true and running toward the prize for which God has called us heavenward, then we can experience freedom.  This is short and sweet—but my journey toward health has enabled me to worship more purely.  There is no longer a vice on me that is creating a chasm between God and me.  It is for FREEDOM that I have been set free.  Christ didn’t die so that I could be a slave to another master.  Man cannot serve two masters.  But for a long time I was serving another master—food was controlling my life.  I have not reached “perfection”—no way!  But in the process, I get to experience a fuller intimacy with Christ.  Another “lover” is no longer allowed in our bed.  I am like Gomer, coming home to Hosea.  PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!!

4) I am IN Christ & He is in me.  For all the years I have heard those verses about abiding in Christ and Him abiding in me, I never really understood that until I started walking this journey and addressing my fears one by one.  And then my sister gave me a little object lesson one day that changed the way I view my fears and temptations and my place with God.  She handed me a paper heart and said, “Write Jesus on this and then put it in this envelope.”  I did that and then I wrote my name on the outside of the envelope.  Then she handed me a bigger envelope.  “Write Jesus on this and put your envelope inside of it.”  I did that and then was handed a the largest envelope.  “Write The Father on this and put all of the envelopes in it.”  She then shared with me that nothing gets to me that has not first gone through The Father and through Jesus and even when it gets to me, Jesus is inside of me.  Such a simple illustration, but so profound for me.  I don’t have to fear devourers.  Nothing can harm me—for I am nestled in God and in Christ and Christ is in me.  THIS Truth qualms my fears every day as they arise.

Okay…I could obviously go on and on.  But I’ll end with this.  I have found it very unhelpful to have a list of things to “do” and “don’t do” from man—whether it is in my Christian walk or in a particular area of struggle. (which, I guess is part of my Christian walk)  What I have found extremely helpful is Truth.  And I have found a very pliable heart when I have an ear turned to hearing God speak.  

I don’t take pride in my body—except that my body represents something GOD has done in my life that is visible and tangible to others.  If God can do THIS in MY life, then it gives people all kinds of HOPE for what God can do in theirs.  And THAT makes the journey extra amazing.  That God would use something that is such a weakness—something that had beaten me for so many, many years—to serve others and lead them to a freedom that means loving God more as well—well, bring it on!  

I am a broken vessel, ready and willing to be used.




Thanks for the opportunity to share just a glimpse of my heart.  This has, possibly, been the most important year of my life.  And the best is yet to come!  The race is not over.  The prize is still ahead of me.  And I cannot stop running!!!!!

Week #42: A Symbol of Hope

Well, now I HAVE to get to my goal weight.  The world is literally watching!  Dr. A. has been so favorable toward my video.  He emailed me today and said that I am becoming a great symbol of Habits of Health and the TSFL mission.  Whoa!  Awesome!

Tonight, Dan and I have a date night to discuss how we continue to move our coaching business forward.  There are so many people who have been looking for this kind of hope, we need to be really smart about how we help them while not losing sight of the things that matter most in our lives.  The big rocks in our lives have got to be firmly in place before we can add anything else into our jar.

To think back to where I was a year ago and all that has changed in my life!  WOW!  TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!

Week #41: Telling the World

This has kept me a little busy.  I could just fall on my face in humility and awe at what God is doing in me and through me.  Never in a million years could I have guessed this is where I would be today.

Week #36: 100 Eludes Me!

Last year at my family reunion.  Loving that chicken corn soup!!!

Okay, so I really want to lose 100 pounds.  AND...I really want to be under 200 pounds.  C'mon.  But this week I had to report a gain.  +1

No, I'm not off plan.  In fact, I went to my family reunion this past weekend and took my Medifast food with me.  Despite my love affair with the chicken corn soup that we have, I didn't eat any.  I didn't even look at the dessert table.  And, toward the end of the day, I took a few veggies off the veggie tray to tide me over until my lean and green meal.

Realize how amazing this plan is though.  I've been doing this for 36 weeks.  The only other week I reported a gain was Week #5.  I've only reported a ZERO loss twice.  That means for 32 of the 36 weeks, the scale has consistently been DOWN.  When have I EVER been able to say that?  Yeah, I lose weight every single week.

So, don't sweat the small stuff--the 1 pound gain--because this is a long journey in ONE direction.

Thankful to a friend of mine who loves garage saling and has REALLY good taste in clothing!  She hooked me up yesterday with bags and bags of beautiful clothes.  Many of the things were size SMALL or size 8.  She has faith I will get there.  In fact, she has more faith than I have in where I am.  She kept saying, "You can wear that now.  Try it on!"  And sure enough, the tiny item would fit--or be really close to fitting.  For someone who was squeezing into size 3X/24 clothing to be able to fit into a size Medium is AMAZING!

Week #35: You Are Faithful, Lord!

You are faithful, Lord!

I sang in the choir yesterday in church.  When I saw this song was on the list of songs to sing in the worship set, I thought to myself, "How in the world am I going to do this?!"  The song Never Once by Matt Redman really encapsulates my weight loss journey. (It's included at the end of this post.)

You have to understand that only weeks before I called Shirley Mast about Take Shape for Life I was sitting with a friend in tears telling her how alone I felt in my struggle.  I was yelling, I was cursing, I was really...REALLY...angry.  I was mad at the church, I was mad at my friends, I was mad at myself, I was mad (REALLY MAD) at God.  I don't exaggerate when I tell my story and say that I had a thought that my family would be better off without me.

Have you ever seen the movie The Village?   It's always crazy to me how God uses that kind of secular media to affect my life.  If you don't think that God can use the world to make His glory known--you're wrong.  God can.  God will.  God DOES.  That movie was like a metaphor to me of how sin misguides us.  The facade (the lie) of the "village" kept all of the people believing and acting in a way that, really, was so ridiculous when you knew what was outside of the village.  And it took a blind girl to reveal the truth.  But to do so, that blind girl had to endure a very terrifying journey.  In the end, the people chose to continue believing in the lie. 

Back in September of 2011 the Lord gave me a vision.  It was a picture of me.  I was like Ivy in the movie The Village.  A blind girl who was wondering through the woods...tripping, stumbling, becoming ensnared.  There were so many things to fear (all of them nothing but facades).  I had been wondering for a very long time in those dark, scary woods and I just wanted out.  I felt bruised and wounded.  I had been ensnared in thorns and entangled in vines.  I had tripped over roots and stumbled over rocks.  The journey through the forest represented my tireless efforts to overcome my battle with food and obesity.  But...as the picture pulled out to an aeriel I could see that the girl had been walking in circles.  Every path led back to the exact same place.  The blind girl sat down and cried.  She quit.  She would just die here in this place.

And then...a still small voice said, "If you ask me, I will carry you."

I knew, at that moment, the Lord wanted to carry me.  To delivery me.  But I had no idea what that looked like.  I still had months of anger ahead of me.  Still months of sitting in the middle of that forest in surrender.  And then...in a complete step of faith, I called Shirley...the day before Thanksgiving.

And on that day, I got up off the rock I was sitting on and crawled into the arms of God.

He was with me EVERY step of that journey that felt lost and damaging.  He never took His eyes off me.  He had plans for me.

This song captures that journey from the vantage point where I now stand.




"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Week #34

To my faithful blog followers, I hope you've taken the opportunity to go back and read some of my old entries while you've been waiting for me to update again--oh, a month or so later!  Life has been very busy, and as a result I've been learning a lot.  Funny how that happens.

I've been learning in the "that's not easy" moments.

Turns out, it's not easy to lose 95 pounds, have everyone stroke your ego and stay focused on the fact that you still have 65 more pounds to go.  And that's probably my biggest lesson right now, so that's where I'll focus this blog.

The conversation goes something like this:

Friend:
"JULIE!!!  Give me a hug, girlfriend!  I can't get over how you look.  Incredible!"

Me: (after being totally squished by friend's embrace)
"Thank you!" (smiling)

Friend:
"I can't get over it.  Just let me look at you.  You have to be close to your goal."

Me:
"No, actually I still have 65 pounds to lose."

Friend:
"Stop!  No you don't!  I can't believe that."

And so the conversation goes on and on.  And happens again moments later with another friend.

First, have we gotten so used to seeing overweight people that we now thing that obese looks healthy?  I'm still obese.  I still weigh over 200 pounds.  I am still 65 pounds away from my healthy BMI.

But I can buy into the hype.  I can buy into the fact that "Hey, I look really good.  I should feel good about what I've accomplished.  Maybe I shouldn't believe that I still have a long way to go."  After all, I have a level of contentment right now that I've never had before.  Contentment.  It breeds laziness, honestly, if it is misdirected.

And that's how I've been.  Lazy.  No, I haven't been wildly off plan, but I have been making exceptions I never would have made before.  You can see that in my numbers--even though a scale is not the only way to measure success.  This time, it's an accurate gauge.  I'm not "all in" right now with focusing on my own health.

That changes today.  I am entering the "No Exceptions Zone."

When optimal health is the goal, there is no room for making even small exceptions.  Praying that this is an area where I continue to grow.

Week #31: Life's A Beach!

This was me at the beach in 2009.  It was Kate's first trip to the beach.  I wasn't at my heaviest weight here.  Ugh!  This picture makes me sad.  I never knew I looked like that.  Our self-perceptions can't be trusted.  Not about our physical appearance, nor about our spiritual condition.  We are misguided.

But I digress...

This was me at the beach this year--2012.  I got home from my vacation on Sunday.  Today is Wednesday and, would you believe it?, I lost 3 pounds this week at the ocean!  That makes my grand total weight loss 90 pounds, officially!

It was a whole new experience going to the beach at this weight.  I didn't struggle through the sand.  I remember, one year when we were there it was very hot.  I think it was August.  And, between my obesity and the heat, I almost fainted coming back from the walk off the sand.  I had to sit down immediately and couldn't get up for awhile.  I was scared.  But...not so this year.  In fact, this year I RAN on the beach.

This year I actually got in the ocean.  Would you believe that's the first time since I was a teenager?  I always felt so unstable on my feet and fearful that if a wave knocked me down I would not be able to get back up.  But...not this year!  That's me out there in the water waving!  I had a BLAST!!!

Here is my family sitting on a blanket waiting for the 4th of July fireworks to begin.  This would have been another experience I couldn't have handled before.  I could sit on the floor, but I would have been afraid to get down there on that blanket on the sand and not be able to get up.  This year, however, I wore a SKIRT and enjoyed every moment of sitting here with the people I love.

I'm not going to lie.  This trip was hard for me.  We always got ice cream every night when we were at the beach.  And pizza!  And this year we were near Rehoboth Beach and they have GROTTO PIZZA!  I LOVE GROTTO!!!!  But, when you have a goal, you have to ask yourself if the choice your making moves you toward your goal or away from it.  Sooo...

This is my beautiful sister and I at Grotto Pizza.  That salad was amazing!  As was every other lean and green meal I had.  And no ice cream touched these lips.  And guess what?  We had a FANTASTIC time!  Turns out that food is not the key to an awesome time!

 

So, here we are.  Me, in my size Large Gap shirt and my cute little skirt.  And Dan at his goal weight.  I'm so excited about this picture!  But you know what I'm even more excited about?  Next year's picture!  Which I hope will be taken on the beach in the Bahamas when I am at my goal!!!!

I've come a long way...