A Look Back: Part 2

There is more to life than a sliver of light...

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you thought you'd never get it?  But then you do.

Have you ever been hurt and confused by what God is doing in your life?  And then, one day it all makes sense to you.

Dan was my best friend for seven years before he asked me to marry him.  The day we met I heard the Lord say to me, "This is the man you're going to marry."  It was ludicrous!   I had only spoken a few very awkward words to this young man and didn't feel any attraction to him--you know, that "love at first sight" kind of feeling.  In fact, I had no way of ever seeing him again after that night.  But God worked out all of those details. (That's another story, maybe for another blog post)

The seven years I waited for Dan were full of hurt and confusion.  At the time, those years parsed out the very things that kept me bound--rejection, betrayal, abuse, abandonment, and fear.  God used those years to set me free from those chains.

I've been overweight for 21 years.  Obese for most of them.

I thought the journey toward marriage was the greatest faith journey I'd have in my life.  I was wrong.

Let me just say, through my weight loss, new chains have been uncovered.

Two months before Dan proposed to me, he walked out of my house and left me.  It was my greatest fear.  It appealed to every chain that had bound me in the past.  But that night, I didn't cry.  That night, I wrote these words.  And today, I am grateful that these words have new meaning for me.

See, I don't want to just lose weight and get to a healthy BMI.  I want to be FREE!  I want to dance in the fullness of light.  To the symphony of God's love for me.  Quitting isn't an option for me.  And it can't be because I'm afraid of going back to obesity.  "clink"--that's the chain of fear again.  It has to be because the dance is so worth dancing and the light is so worth reaching!

PERSONAL FREEDOM

Julia Gregg

Chapter 1-The Prisoner

Clink. The iron shackle locked tightly around her wrist.  The manacle of Rejection rubbed against her raw and beaten flesh.

Clink.  Another iron cuff encircled her other wrist. Betrayal.

Clink.  Clink.  Around both feet the constraint of Abandonment and Abuse bound her to the cold stone wall.

As if that were not enough to hold her there, the final resounding Clink echoed through the prison.  The chain of Fear gripped so tightly around her neck she could barely breathe.

She lived in those chains so long her recollection of how she got there began to fade.  The only thing that seemed familiar was her small and dingy cell, a tiny window which shone a sliver of light, and those painfully cold metal straps around her broken body.

Chapter 2-The Release

Clink. He has set her free from Rejection.

Clink.  He has set her free from Betrayal.

Clink. Clink.  He has set her free from Abandonment & Abuse.

Clink.  She is finally free to breathe without Fear.

Chapter 3-The Dance

One, Two, Three.  One, Two, Three.  One, Two, Three.  She smiles as she twirls and spins to the rhythm of her freedom from the chains.  She dances in the sliver of light within her cell.  Her garment is tattered but her face is aglow.  She had looked at the sliver of light for years wishing she could reach it—bask in it’s warmth, see its reflection on her skin—and now here she was, finally dancing in it.  Her steps were small and sometimes awkward.  It was just a sliver of light, and she didn’t want even one step to be outside its limits.

One, Two, Three.  One, Two, Three.  One, Two, Three.  She danced.

Chapter 4-The Encounter

Child, you are free to go. She heard Him speak.

I am delighted that you are free from your chains. I am the one who paid the price for you.

I am pleased that you wish to dance in my light. But, my precious one, there is so much more for you than this.  You are free!  Not just from the shackles, but also from your cell.  The door is open, you are free to go.

She stopped her dance and turned to the door.  It was open.  She had vaguely noticed it before, but her excitement about the light dismissed its importance from her mind. 

She heard Him again.  The door is open, you are free to go.

A lump formed in her throat.  Beyond the door was a black, dark corridor.  She looked up at the source of the sliver of light.  A kaleidoscope of color spread from its beam as she looked at the window through her tear-filled eyes.  How could she leave this place she has called home?  How could she walk away from the light?  How could she leave the open chains that daily reminded her of her freedom?  She walked back to them and placed them around her.  Immediately she began to suffocate with Fear.  She would never leave.  She couldn’t.  It was too dangerous.  Too risky.  Unsafe.  Surely the corridors were filled with the things she feared the most.  Fear strangled her tightly with its hold.

Child, you are free to go. It was Him again.  You are free from your chains and free from your cell.  Now you dance in a sliver of light, but soon you will dance in the fullness of light.  There is life for you outside of this prison!  Come. Walk into the darkness.  I am with you. Do not be anxious.  I am near. Soon you will walk into the brightest and fullest light you’ve ever seen.  YOU ARE FREE!

Chapter 5-The Risk

Silence.  The corridors were silent.  There was nothing to fear.

 

Chapter 6-The Fullness

WHAM!  Rejection beat upon her as the One-She-Loved said, “It was a mistake to love you this way.”

WHAM!  A sudden strike as the One-She-Loved demonstrated Betrayal to her soul.

WHAM! WHAM!  The door of her house slammed as the One-She-Loved left and a sickening blow punched her deeply as the Abandonment and Abuse sat laughing.

WHAM!  She pulled her hands to her throat, sure that the walloping of Fear would take her last breath.

She cried.  She was so sad, so hurt, and so alone. And then, in the midst of her tears, she heard Him.

Soon you will dance in the fullness of light.

She lifted her tear stained checks from the pillow.  She looked at her wrists, she looked at her feet, she touched her neck…she is free, she is healed, she is safe.  She looked at her garment… it was not tattered, it was beautiful and breathtaking.  She threws her head back and laughs,  I’m alive! I’m alive!  I’m alive!

And there it was.  The most beautiful, indescribable light she has ever seen.  It was EVERYWHERE!  She ran to it.

And she danced.  And danced.  And danced. 

One, Two, Three.  One, Two, Three.  One, Two, Three. 

Chapter 7-The New Dance

She is FREE!

She is ALIVE!

She is LOVED!

And she is still dancing.