How Do I Answer That Question?

"So, how are you?" friends ask.

I know they mean well.  They care about me.  And I love that.

But what does that question mean?  I think everyone may be asking a different question.

Are you back on your eating plan or are you binging?
Are you losing weight or gaining?
Are you feeling sad or happy?
Do you feel hopeful or in despair?
And so on...

It's a loaded question, and one I don't know how to answer.  What is the measure of how I am?

For a long time, I think the measure was answering those first two questions.  "I'm doing great!  I love the 5/1 plan and I'm losing weight like crazy!  LOOK AT ME!  This is awesome!"  (And it was...it is)

But if I begin to define how I am by those standards, then everything in my life falls apart when that isn't going well.  And that's not a good thing.  It's not a correct thing.  Still, I found myself wanting to run and hide away from everyone because it's embarrassing to be an icon for weight loss and find yourself in a place of weight gain.

Let's start with a different question.

Who AM I?

I am a child of God.  An adopted, chosen child.  An heir to a throne.  I was dead in my transgressions and sin--marked as a sinner, a criminal, the worst of the worst.  And Jesus died for me--he traded places with me, as He became my great Rescuer.  He covered my sinful stains with a royal robe of righteousness.  I wear that robe.  It comes in all sizes.  A literal "One Size Fits All Who are Saved."  I AM free.  (Whether I believe it or not, I am--because my greatest need was already provided on the cross).  I am not defined by my body.  I am not defined by my works.  I am defined by God.  Period.

So, how am I?

I am blessed.  I am forgiven.  I am better than I deserve to be.

But if you're asking how my depression is or how my weight loss journey is going...

Well, I don't know how to measure those things anymore.  Because, if God wants His glory to be revealed through my downcast heart, then who am I to resent it?  If God wants His glory to be revealed by my struggle with food and weight, then why should I despise this time?  I need only trust.  And wait for my change to come--because it IS coming.  He has promised me it is.  And I know my God well enough to know, He keeps His promises.

Here is an example I heard one time by a pastor named Aron Osbourne, who grew up in Leola, PA--very close to my childhood home.  He was illustrating degrees of change, and how God is at work in our lives always--even when we can't feel it.

On New Holland Pike, in Leola, PA, there is a bank.  When Aron and I were kids, that bank had a sign outside, along the road that would tell the time and temperature.   Imagine for a moment, on this very cold snowy day, that we pulled our car into that bank parking lot, got out of the car, took off our coats, and felt what it felt like at 20 degrees--the temperature reading on the bank sign.  Do you feel it?  Feel 20 degrees.  Brrrr....

Tomorrow, let's do the same thing.  Let's drive to that bank parking lot and let's do the same routine again.  Tomorrow, the temperature reads 22 degrees.  Feel the 22 degrees.  Brrr...  It feels no different than the 20 degrees did the day before.  But it IS different.  22 degrees is 2 degrees warmer than 20 degrees.  It cannot be felt, but it is different.

I believe, if we were to do this exercise again in May when the temperature sign now reads 70 degrees, we would feel a blessed distinct difference, wouldn't we?

In time, I will notice the difference that is happening in my life.  But today, I don't feel different than I did yesterday.  I only KNOW that this is true.  I am not not the same.  God IS at work in my life.  I am NOT without HOPE.  I am already FREE.   I am blessed.  I am loved.  I was bought at a very costly price.  The story isn't over yet...