Our Only Hope

Enjoying my cup of decaf coffee with one of my best friends ever.  No birthday cake for me!

Wow.  Sorry that I haven't posted here since last Wednesday.  I guess that's just a sign of how busy it has been.  But don't worry.  Everything has been going great.

We were away this weekend visiting some of our best friends, Keith and Kristin.  Keith celebrated his 40th birthday.  (Welcome to the club, Friend!)  It was refreshing and wonderful to be with them.  And I was able to stick to my eating plan, even when we went out with a large group of people to a fabulous restaurant on Saturday night.


Take Shape for Life is allowing me to better understand the triggers for my eating.  For example, when I'm with certain people...I want to eat.  Maybe it's what we always did when we were together.  Maybe those people totally stress me out and I want to eat away my stress.  Maybe I see those people most often when I'm tired and I want to eat to stay awake so I can enjoy their company longer.  It's not really the PEOPLE.  It's the reasons I want to eat.

• It's a Habit to Eat When We're Together
• I Want to Experience Pleasure
• I Want to Have More Fun
• I Need to Deal with Stress
• I Have to Conquer Fatigue

By no means is this list comprehensive, but it's a good start.  Food does not do any of these things, I'll be honest.  Let's look at more proper responses.

• Break the habit by not putting the food out or giving into the desire to munch.
• Enjoy my friends and family without distraction.  Fill up on good, thoughtful conversation.
• Laugh more, play games, be creative and make new memories together. (that don't revolve around food!)
• Pray.  Set better boundaries in unhealthy relationships.  Be more assertive or patient or full of grace...depending on what is needed.
• Change the time I spend with people.  Get more rest.  Go to bed.  The only truly good solution for fatigue is getting the proper rest my body needs.

This looks and sounds so easy.  But it requires a lot of work.

When I met with my counselor this week she asked me about my present relationship with God.  After a brief discussion she gave me sage counsel.  She said (and I paraphrase):

Guard your time with God as if your life depends on it, because it does.  In the same way you have guarded your eating plan and weight loss, now guard your quiet time and your prayer life.  Your only hope for freedom from your addiction to food is to replace it with your love and desire for Jesus.  That's something that can only grow by investing time with Him.  


Yes!  So true.  How many people do I know, myself included, who just exchange one idol or addiction for another?  I can't find freedom from food by drinking more coffee (though I'm not going to argue, it does help!) or by becoming addicted to not eating...which can easily happen to the over-eater who is successful. (Exchanging compulsive overeating for anorexia)

No, the only hope there ever was...and still is...is Jesus! So, I must guard my Bible with my life and I read it and I meditate on it and I memorize it to hide it in my heart.


John Piper posted this week, "If you are having trouble reading your Bible with deep and affecting meaning, imagine that you will die in about eight hours."

Now there's perspective, right?

Don't Give In

A little encouragement from The Hunger Games...because, as you know, I'm crazy about those books.  When faced with the temptation to do something you know you shouldn't do, take the advice of Hunger Game victor, Finnick, who tells Katniss:

"Better not give into it.  It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart."

Week 9: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Okay, well...this is the week where the rubber meets the road.  Where what I've said is applied to the reality. 

I lost one pound this week.  It's a loss.  I should celebrate. (And I will.)

This week was terrible.  I think worse than my first week on the plan.  I guess I was hoping for some great reward on the scale for my perserverence.  But sometimes reward comes in other ways.

There's a lot associated with the numbers on the scale right now.  I am two pounds away from being at my ending weight when I finished the second season of PPA.  There's a negative connotation here for me.  I struggled so badly to make the scale budge even down to this weight when I did PPA.  It was agonizing.  And then...I gained so much weight when it was over.  I'm STILL losing the weight I gained.  I think there is a subconscious fear that the scale won't go beyond this weight.  I know...it's ludicrious, I'm just being honest.  I've felt very trapped here in the past, so I just want to fly past these numbers so I can get over it. 

And, since we're talking about this, I will also confess something else.  Many of you have congratulated me on my pictures and how good I must feel when I see them.  It is exciting, of course.  But would you like to know what else runs through my mind?  I look at my before pictures as they compare to my eight week shots and I think, "Look at all the weight I gained!" 

These thoughts aren't all bad.  I don't ever want to go back there to that "before picture" girl.  Which requires resolve.

I just talked to my awesome coach, Shirley.  I would never recommend anyone do the Medifast plan apart from Take Shape for Life and a health coach.  She is there to grab me when I'm having any doubts, or just to remind me of good truth.

Like how this week has reaped other benefits for me that can't be measured on a scale.  Like the reminder of how awful it is to get back into fat burning phase...so why in the world would I ever want to cheat?  It's good to be reminded and to feel the pain again.

Like how I am not trapped, and how I KNOW the weight will continue to just drop off.

Like how hard this week was, but I didn't give up.

Like how amazing my husband is and how supportive my friends are.

Like how God is at work for a greater purpose in my life than a number.  Optimal health for HIS glory.  Not for mine.

Like how it doesn't matter where I've been--it matters where I'm going.

I love Take Shape for Life.  Week 9 was hard, but totally worth it!

Ordering When You're Dining Out

First of all...sadly, I'm not crazy about the muffins I made.  But, you get to have two of them as one serving and it's something different...so, I will be fine.

Did anyone see the Biggest Loser tonight?  The black team got to go out to eat for the first time in 6 weeks.  They had to order off the menu.  I understood why they were so nervous and wanted to just turn around and walk out.

Ordering a salad is NOT a healthy choice.  Many of the salad toppings are loaded with super unhealthy things.

I like how Chris mentioned ordering her eggs "dry"--meaning no oils or butter.  I'm going to use that word!

"On the side" was also a phrase that was emphasized.

And I was glad to hear them say that you MUST demand what you want.  Don't settle for the way they typically prepare foods.  Stand there all day and place your order if that's what you have to do to get what you want.

I'm going out for dinner with a large group of people this weekend.  I was thankful today when my friend Kristin emailed me the website for the menu.  I've already poured over it.

Here's what I saw on the menu that is going to be my launching point:

Steak Salad - 14
Mixed Greens / Flank Steak / Crispy Onions / Roasted Peppers Goat Cheese / Sundried Tomato Pesto / Balsamic Vinaigrette

Here's what I'm going to say:
"I want the steak salad, but I have important dietary restrictions.  I just want the steak and the mixed greens.  Are the roasted red peppers drenched in oil?  (If they are, then I won't have them).  Okay, is it possible to get cucumbers and peppers on my salad?  And, then, finally...how is the steak prepared?  No butter or oil, please.  Keep it as pure and clean as possible.  Oh...and I'll have my dressing on the side, please." 

I agree.  It's a pain.  But, you know...it's worth it.  Truly it is!

Don't Get Bored

I found myself today, in my tired state, feeling bored with the Medifast food.  No good.

Sooo...I'm making muffins!  Cooking with Medifast.  Fantastic!  Sorry that this post will only really appeal to the people who are on TSFL.  But, those of you who aren't.  Don't get bored with your food.  Go make something new for dinner or bake something healthy, but delicious. 

Why are you still here?!  Go bake something!

Yummy Medifast Muffin Recipe
Ingredients:
4 pkg of oatmeal
1 pkg pudding
3 tsp baking powder
1 1/3 cup water
1 pkg eggs
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Directions:
Combine packages of oatmeal, package of pudding, baking powder in bowl. In another bowl combine
water and egg package. Now, mix both bowls of ingredients together. Once completely mixed pour mix
into muffin pan with paper cup liners. Place in preheated oven and bake for 25 minutes. Makes a total of
six Medifast meals.

2 regular sized muffins = 1 meal
6 mini muffins = 1 meal

I'm Just Tired

I've been really tired.

I used to be tired all the time.  Every day at around 3:00 I would be ready to pass out on the couch.  I rarely take a nap since I started TSFL. Today is a nap day though.

My head is in a fog.  Have I been staying up too late?  Probably.  (Thank goodness I'm done with the Hunger Games trilogy!) 

Have I been getting up too early?  Yes.  And so have my kids.  What is up with that?

The good news is, I am not laying awake at night consumed with anxious thoughts, as I once was.  I am at peace.

The good news is, I am not eating as a way to avoid my fatigue.

The good news is, I'm tired.  And I'm being honest about that.  And I'm going to take a nap.

Food would not make me less tired.  That is a lie I told myself before. "Just eat to stay awake."  Nope.

Psalm 127:2
It is in vain that you rise up early
   and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
   for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Who Has My Back?

As if you didn't think my husband was already super amazing.  Well, let me tell you.  I thought I'd feature him on the blog today, but posting an email he sent me this morning.  (Thanks, Honey!  I love you so much!!!)

I was just checking out your blog. You have to be so excited about your pictures. I can’t get over the transformation already. That’s why I want to protect you. (One of the many reasons) God is helping you to run the race. Let’s not do anything that takes our eyes off the prize.

We can say that it’s no big deal to veer slightly off plan for one evening (I’m just slowing down, I won’t quit running) but then why? Why not just stand up for yourself.

Just know that I’m running with you. We’re never going to see that waitress again. If she’s not willing to take care of you and if you’re not feeling strong enough at any given moment, then I have your back.  Let's not let others influence our choices or “make our choices for us”.

Glorifying God through Optimal health! He is so worthy and you are his child! Only good things for the children of the King!

I love you so much!

A Little Extra Support

Not my actual steak salad.

So, it's been a few days.  I realize that.  Yes, I'm fine.

Today is the first day I feel like I'm in the fat burning zone again.  I was still hungry yesterday.  But...I made it!  I did it!  I stuck to the plan.  Because I KNOW it works.  And I love how I feel when I'm doing it.  It's nice to have that point of reference. 

The first time you're going through the "detox phase" (as I like to call it) it's not so bad because you're so ready to just get started and you know that it's going to be difficult.  But this time.  Well, I had been doing this for eight weeks and the temptation to "cheat" was stronger, because it wasn't new and exciting.  Does that make sense?  But what I did have this time that I didn't have the first time was perspective.  I knew it would get better in a few days.  I know that I love this plan and it is totally worth staying on it.  I was well aware that by cheating I would just make matters worse and make this detox phase take even longer.

I also learned something.  That NOT eating what you need to eat is just as bad as eating what you shouldn't eat.  (That's right.  Read it again, if you need to!)  I had to detox because I was fasting.  My body needed to be reminded that it was okay to use my fat for fuel.  I didn't need it to store it and save it for later.  I wasn't starving.  But...isn't it cool that God made our bodies in such a way that they protect us like that?  Don't hate the body for not wanting to give up that fat too quickly.  If we were in a famine, that's a pretty good trick!

Anyway...I digress.

With resolve, I dug in my heels!  I stuck to the plan.

I was thankful for the help and support I got over the last several days.  Like my friend Melody who had us over for dinner on Friday night.  She put out a fabulous salad bar spread, including grilled salmon or chicken for protein.  She didn't even judge me for loading up my plate with spinach.  What a friend!

And then, I have to acknowledge my amazing husband.  We went to the Fireside Tavern for dinner on Saturday night to celebrate my mom's birthday! (Happy birthday, Mama!  I love you!) 

Not on TSFL, I would have loved that menu.  Lots of things dripping in cheese and loaded with carbs.  But, on TSFL, it was probably the most difficult menu I've faced so far.  Even the salads were decadently off plan.

I had studied the menu in advance.  I knew what I was going to order and how I needed to say it.  I even practiced a few times, so I didn't forget to omit the corn or the cheese.  But I wasn't prepared for one thing.  An unhelpful waitress who was driven to take everyone's orders in record time.

The order started fine.  And then I asked how the flank steak was marinaded.  She proceeded to tell me about soy sauce and oils and juices and...nope, no, no, no.  Can't have it.  "Can I get that without marinade?"  Clear that she is annoyed that I am slowing down her speed, she shakes her head no.  "It's already marinaded.  Sorry."  (She wasn't sorry)  "Okay," I said with a frown.  And she moved on.

"Okay?" Dan said.  "It's not okay."  He waits patiently and then gently grabs the woman's elbow.  "The marinated steak is not okay.  What are her options?  She can't have all the oils and juices."  I'm not even lying, I think the waitress rolled her eyes.  (I'm painting her to be terrible. Besides this moment she was a very good, very efficient waitress.  But it was clear I was disturbing her rhythm.)

"You can substitute a different steak...but it will cost more."

Dan says, "Fine.  That's what we would like to do."  And then the waitress rapidly lists off my choices.  I picked the flat iron steak because I had researched it beforehand and knew it was a lean piece of meat.  I wasn't sure about the other cuts.  And then Dan interjects again, "And don't put anything on it.  Keep it plain."

I'll be honest.  It came out much rarer than I would have liked and it was tough.  But I savored it.  My salad looked beautiful.  The dressing was spicy, which I love!  I ate it slowly and made each bite something special on my palette, because I wasn't going to let the toughness of the meat ruin my evening.  And it didn't.

Now, I ask you...am I a blessed woman?  Yes, I am!  I am supported and loved.  I have friends and a family that are willing to stick their neck out for me--especially my husband!

Sometimes we all need a little extra support.

Detox...Again?

Okay, yesterday MESSED ME UP!  It's 8pm right now, so I think it is safe to say that I made it through this day, but it felt like the detox phase all over again.  I was hungry all day today.  At every turn I wanted to eat.  Since the first few days of TSFL I haven't been tempted by bread, but today...I just wanted to say, "Can you hand me a roll?  Or two?"  I didn't.  But I wanted to.

I have been identifying moments that provoke my cravings.  There are some consistent things that, whenever those things happens, I want to eat! 

How did I make it through this difficult day?  A lot of prayer and a lot of self-talk.  "You can eat again in two hours.  You'll make it."  I thought of Jesus being tempted after he had been fasting for 40 days.  "If you are the Son of God, turn these stones into bread," Satan taunted.  "Man does not live by bread alone, but by the Word of the Lord,"  Jesus replied.  And so, I tried to partake of God's word.

I didn't "fall off the wagon" because of my procedure.  I was strict and dedicated, even within the medical guidelines.  But the diversion from the plan has made today hard.

Nothing is impossible with God.  I made it!  I'm going to make my Medifast Brownie, grab my Hunger Games book and head to bed.  Tomorrow is another day.

Everything is A-Okay

No, I did not have a baby today!  But I did get oxygen.  And I did really like my anesthesiologist, just as I did when this photo was taken several years ago.

Hmmm...what picture SHOULD I use with a post about my colonoscopy?   They did give me pictures, believe it or not--but I will refrain from sharing. (Not sure even I wanted to see those! ha ha!)

The last 48 hours could not have gone better.  Thank you, Jesus and TSFL!  Seriously.

I ate my last lean and green meal on Tuesday night at dinner.  When I woke up Wednesday morning I could have Medifast Shakes and Ice Cream.  (Not bad options, I have to say!)  So, really, it was like a normal day for me.

I went to the store and bought a few items that were on the "clear liquid only" diet, things I knew I could also have on TSFL.  At 6:00 last night I started the prep.  Let me tell you, having to pretend your drinking lemonade on the beach is the only thing that can possibly trick your mind into gulping down that terrible lemony, salty disgusting drink.  1 liter in an hour.  All I wanted to do was puke.  I'll be honest.

Well, I didn't really have to make that trip to the store for the clear liquid items.  After the prep started I didn't want to eat anything else.  I felt like I had a bad stomach bug.  I kept having to remind myself that my brother (who currently is undergoing treatments for colon cancer, hence my test!) is going through much worse than this.  I did manage to have a sugar-free popsicle and a mug of plain tea before I went to bed.

Rose this morning and had to go through the drinking of sludge again.  The kids knew if they needed me they could find me in the bathroom!  (Why, oh why, had my "Hunger Games Trilogy" not yet shipped from Barnes and Nobel!  I needed a good book to distract me.)

I didn't have to worry about not eating.  I was fine.  Living on my fat, I suppose.  I hope.  But, man, was I thirsty!

The procedure was a piece of cake!  It was the nicest, most peaceful nap I've had in a long time.  I was super disappointed when they woke me up and said it was over.  I asked the anesthesiologist if he could come to my house tonight and give me some of that before bedtime.  He told me that was "illegal."  (Whatever.)  I then proceeded to tell him he was my favorite person, which made the nurse laugh and return a witty comment.  Dan said I have a thing for anesthesiologists because I told the man in the C-Section delivery room with me that I loved him.  How does Dan remember that?!  (And, in my defense, that man stroked my face and whispered sweetly in my ear for the duration of my delivery.  I was confused--was he my husband or my doctor?! LOL!)

Good news.  My colon is perfect.  Now we all know.   Perfect, he said.

And with that news, I was ready to eat.  I brought a bar and some pretzels with me, but Dan suggested we go get a steak and salad.  Who was I to argue with that?  I ate my pretzels on the way to the restaurant.  And then was most satisfied with my early dinner.  I was still groggy over dinner--mostly just wanted to get back to that nap.  But I'm honestly feeling good now. 

If you need a colonoscopy--ahem, YOU know who you are--call and make the appointment.  No big deal.  Honestly.  If you can get past the 12-16 hour stomach bug feeling, you'll forget the rest even happened!

Here's to optimal health!